Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!
by StickWithaPseudonym
Summary: I got the idea from lizardandtheitcarlos23's Moony and Padfoot Advice Column. I hope they don't mind. This is Rated M for violence and language. Marik and Bakura should accept any question, so come along and ask away. Who knows, you might just smile a bit :D Don't forget you can ask other YuGiOh characters too.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello all, and welcome to the Marik and Bakura advice column!**

Marik: Do you think this table's too high?

Bakura:Why the bloody hell would that concern you?

Marik: I need to make sure people can see my abs over the table.

Bakura: Grrr...

**All you do is ask Marik, Bakura, or some other Yu-Gi-Oh character a question and they'll answer it.**

Bakura: I can't believe I'm going through with this.

Marik: Hey, this is brilliant! I came up with this myself!

**Let's see what goes on and what questions are asked... I hope you guys like this!**

Marik: Bakura, you're staring.

Bakura: Like hell I am!

**WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP? Anyway, ask away!**

Marik: If you ask a question within the next two minutes I'll take off my shirt!

Bakura: NOBODY ASK A QUESTION!


	2. Pairings and Word Cost

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!**

* * *

**Eliza Kaiba said:  
**_This is an awesome idea! I'm so happy someone came up with this!_  
_Uhmmmmm, let's see..._  
_Bakura: Why do you always seem so angry?_  
_Marik: What should you do when your cell phone goes off during an exam?_  
_Kaiba: Are you aware of all the gay rumors about you and yugi?_  
_Hehe, I'm looking forward to this!_

Marik: It's obvious what I do when my cell phone goes off-  
Bakura: Marik, she asked ME a question first.  
Marik: Shut up, kitty! Let me continue.  
Bakura: I'm not a ki-  
Marik: So anyway, this is what you do. If nobody notices, you simply answer the phone and loudly discuss what the caller wanted! If somebody notices you answer the phone and loudly discuss what the caller wanted!  
Bakura: Those two answers are exactly the same.  
Marik: BUT! If the teacher approaches you and tries to take your phone, stuff it down your pants! They'll never reach for it!  
Bakura: Doesn't that ensure some form of detentio-  
Marik: WERE YOU ASKED.  
Bakura: Fine! Buggering idiot! THIS is the reason I'm so angry! This bloody wanker right here with his bloody abs and buggering-  
Marik: Mleh Mleh Mleh Tea Mleh Mleh Mleh Biscuits Mleh Scones Mleh MlehSHUT UP Bakura! You're British, nobody understands you!

Kaiba opted out.

**EgyptsBlackRose asked:**  
_Advice column? Marik and Bakura? Though I'm scared for my life, here it goes... My bet friend is bein a real b**** towards me, she's always tryin to pick a fight with me, she's constantly moody and snappy, yet when she wants somethin from me she has no problem actin all sweet and nice. I'm at the end of my rope and need an escape! She makes ke want to punish her and stab her multiple times-and that's on a good day! I want a way out that does not result me being done for murder...can ya help me out?_

_Egypt_  
_Ps MARIK KEEP UR SHIRT ON!_

Bakura: No. The only thing I recommend is getting an expensive knife and following her home. Piss on all of her belongings and stab her repeatedly in the chest.  
Marik: Sounds about right, Fluffy.

_A WILD YUGI APPEARS!_

BByPanda: No, no no!  
Marik: What the frig!  
BbyPanda: This is what you should do. Sit her down somewhere where you're both comfortable. Ask what it is that makes her lash out. Do you owe her something? Is something from the past resurfacing? Talk it out. If she tries to pick a fight, ask her what's she's trying to accomplish. If nothing works, abandon the friendship until she sees sense. If that fails, go your separate ways.  
Marik: WHAT?  
Bakura: That's the sappiest bout of bullsh*tery I've ever heard.  
Marik: Just kill her.

**wolfairer asked:**  
_Bakura: who do you love more Marik or Melvin and you can't say neither?_  
_Marik: what is you view on thiefshipping,Bronzeshipping and Rogueshipping ?_  
_Bakura: will you return to Mariks evil concil of doom or stay with Dartz_

**Q1**Bakura: Love mo- What kind of question is that?  
Marik: Answer it, Fluffy.  
Bakura:I-I N-no!  
Marik: ANSWER IT!  
Bakura: I don't love either of you! I don't even LIKE either of you!  
Marik: B-but our bums say Thiefshipping! Doesn't that mean anything to you? Say it Fluffy.  
Bakura: Fine. I love Marik more. *grimace*  
Marik: YES!

**Q2**Marik: I don't care what it is as long as my butt looks good. Except for Bronzeshipping. That's a little scary.  
Bakura: Phew.  
Marik: What was that?  
Bakura: Nothing. Just thinking about Rogue and Thief...

**Q3**Bakura: That's my bloody business! Go ask Marik a stupid question! *huff*

**Shadowclanwarrior asked:**  
_Interesting. Here are a few questions:_

_To Bakura: Do you think your more attractive then Marik?_

Bakura: Not only am I more attractive, I'm smarter. Anyone with eyes could see.  
Marik: Lies!

_To Marik: Did you ever get the Pharaoh's leather pants/leather shoes?  
_

Marik: Well, we DID get them in my awesome, perfect music video Leather Pants...  
Bakura: You gave them back in exchange for free ice cream.  
Marik: Don't deny it was good! I even offered to let eat some off my mouth but _NO_..._  
_

_To Melvin: Is a locked door your greatest enemy and did you ever unlocked that door in season three?_

9998...**A****CCESS DENIED**...9999...**ACCESS GRANTED!  
**Melvin: HAHAHA! NO DOOR IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR ME! I AM THE MASTER OF ALL DO-  
**PLEASE ENTER SECOND SECURITY PASSCODE.  
**Melvin: ...

_To Ryo: What is it like to share the same body as Bakura?  
_

Ryo: Well sometimes my Yami does the strangest things! It's really fun and really scary. He-He's pretty much taken over completely...but I guess I-I'm okay with it. S-some of the things he feels I'd never be brave enough t-to d-discover...~

_To Kaiba: Has there ever been a time where you couldn't screw the rules?  
_

Kaiba: Has there ever been a time where it didn't cost money to talk to me? Every word I speak is 500 dollars you pay for asking such a ludicrous question. At Six Flags, I cut line and the people I cut get ejected from the park. Not that I've ever been to Six Flags, a rival company. I'm just saying that if I DID go, that's what would happen. I'm worth twice the amount of the cost of all of their equipment combined. Not that I checked. That'll be 4070 dollars.

**Vladroxmysox aske-I mean said:**  
_What do you do when your half sister is a freakin psycho, no not like Melvin. I will explain. It all started 3 weeks ago and she complained on a t-shirt, then she kept cursing everyone out, and now she's gonna try to ruin our reunion. I hope your advice deals with knives because I wanna stab her, cut her, whatever, but I need a good game plan._

Bakura: Kn-knives...? Would you mind...sending me pictures of the knives you plan to use? Do whatever you please. I'll give you the address to Marik's tree house in Egypt so you can dump the body there.  
Marik: WHAT?


	3. Hugs and Ordering Thieves

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!**

* * *

**Shadowclanwarrior asked:**

_LOL! This is great! Bakura and Marik are hilarious! Here are some more questions for you:_

_ To Bakura: Is your answer to everything is to throw a knife at someone?_

_ To Marik: Which is better, cake or pie?_

_ To the Pharaoh: Who's more annoying, Marik or Bakura?_

_ To Melvin and Bakura: If you two where to duel with knives and chainsaws, who would win?_

Bakura: No. There's stabbing a knife at someone, choking someone, flaying someone etc. I'm very creative. Nobody told them to trip me.

Marik: Go read 'It's Not Over Until Binky Boy Sings' and tell me what you think.  
Bakura: Oh my.

Pharaoh: Y'know, at least Marik backed down when I beat his sorry ass. But Bakura just kept coming back over and over again throughout the whole show with what little screen time she had. Bakura is definitely more annoying. I hate her.  
Joey: Nyeh...Bakura's a guy.  
Pharaoh: WHAT? That's crazy...

Melvin: The chainsaw is mine.  
Bakura: Hell if I care! I'll have the knives!  
Melvin: Alright, let's settle this duel once and for all! On the count of three. One...  
Bakura: Count of thr- What kind of childish bullsh*t is tha-  
Melvin: ATTACK!  
Bakura: YOU SAID YOU WERE COUNTING TO- **GACK  
**Melvin: **HURK-  
**Marik: BAKURA!  
*Now casually lean back and imagine Melvin, bent slightly backward, his eyes wide and blood dripping from his mouth. His chainsaw is up and shoved in Bakura's stomach. Bakura, blood spurting from his mouth, conveniently sunk his blade into Melvin's heart at the same time. The picture is frozen that way and labeled 'Casual Double Murder' Draw it if you want*  
Marik:NOOOOOO! Bakura, why? You still owe me a t-t-trip to the the-eeeeeemeee paaaark... *SOBS*

Something tells me that** Wolfairer **Is back to ask more...

_Hehe I'm back to ask more _

_ To Marik and Bakura : do either of you need to explain your feelings to the other I mean everyone is waiting for it?_  
_ Melvin: could you give Bakura a hug for me?_  
_ Marik: what did you think Thiefshipping meant when you first heard about it?_  
_ Bakura: what will you do when you finally take over the world?_

Marik: Feelings? What feelings? Feelings of HATRED!  
Bakura: Yes... we're-we're quite miserable together. As in, uh, near each other.  
Marik: Totally not secretly wanting each other! After all I only EFF vagina!  
Bakura: Ye-wait, WHAT? Marik you're being serious?  
Marik: Totally!  
Marik:...  
Marik: Was I?  
Bakura: Goddammit, I can't take this anymore! *Grabs Marik's hands* Listen, you bloody idiot, because I won't say this again! I-  
Melvin: HUG TIME!  
Bakura: Wai-  
Melvin: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

**BLOODY HUGS*BLOODY HUGS*BLOODY HUGS*****

Marik: GOD DAMMIT MELVIN!  
Melvin: Abscond.  
Marik: This is the second time Bakura's died already! Ugh! I need a manicure!  
Melvin: Do you even know what a manicure is?  
Marik: Yeah. A man cure that helps men feel more manly. So I won't cry.  
Melvin: You go ahead and do that.  
Marik: Frig you!

Marik: Anyway, Thiefshipping. I dunno, I thought it was a company where you bought thieves. You could, I dunno, order them online and all that crap. I guess that's what made sense whenever Fluffy got excited about it. Now that I know what it is I still don't know why Fluffy gets excited about it...

Bakura is unavailable for comment. He will answer in the next chapter.


	4. Denial and World Domination

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!**

* * *

**Wolfairer is: **_Back again lol_  
_ Marik: If you only eff vigina then why in marik plays bloodline part 6 when your in a dumb waiter and bakura says "the thing your inside right now is called a dumb waiter" do you reply " your dumb" did that mean you were in him at the time then?_

_ And Bakura carry on with what you were saying before Melvin hugged you we all want to hear it_

Marik: It-it was just a video game! You took that too seriously! I-I totally knew what he implied, besides there was no waiter anyway! If there was he'd have to be thin and pale... with long whi-NO! Just long hair. I-I like long hair on WOMEN. Because the women want me cuz I'm hot and and SHUT UP!

Bakura: Oh um... I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say. Strange.  
Marik: It was in regards to your feelings for me.  
Bakura: No, can't remember. Oh well.  
Marik: *Harrumph*

**Shadclanwarrior claims that: **_LOL! I EFFing love this! I'll continue to give more questions unless you don't want me to. Here's another:_

_ To Everyone: If you were to destroy all life on Earth, which country would you destroy first?  
_

Marik: Oh we love your questions! And I would destroy the part of Egypt my father lives. Not the entire place but..do you need coordinates?  
Bakura: I would hand most of it over to Zork all at once. Save me the trouble of choosing.  
Kaiba: None. That's valuable property for me to take over.  
Melvin: Drive everyone to America and blow that up. Boom! By the way, would you care for a hug?  
Yugi: Honestly, I can't choose between America and Japan. I don't even know where this anime takes place.  
Tea: Boobs boobs jiggle boobs jiggle jiggle jiggle boobs boobs jiggle!  
Mai: Jiggle Jiggle!  
Yugi: Good choices, you two.  
Joey: Everything but Brooklyn, 'cuz then my rage will just be 'Rage'. Not as cool.  
Tristan: I- **BOOM!**

**Dynamite and Soup says:**

_this is AWESOME!_  
_ to bakura: At the last evil council, Marik said you guys played baseball. When you 'play baseball' are you always Marik's catcher?_

Bakura:...Maybe.  
Marik: He never complains ^^

**Vladroxmysox says:**

_Heh heh heh...I'm back...AND I BROUGHT QUESTIONS  
Marik: Would you rather kiss Bakura or get "hugged" by Melvin?  
Bakura: What is the best flavor of tea?  
Melvin: If I asked you to come on a killing spree with my two friends will you join us [you have to be willing to share in the moment of torture, meaning every single one of us gets to torture the person before they die :3].  
Pharoh: Is your Leather Shoes really the source of your power, because well you know you mentioned it to EVERYONE you must have a back up plan or something._

Marik: I'll totally kiss Bakura. I don't wanna be killed, thank you very much.  
Bakura: There's a fifty-fifty chance on both those options. Just saying.

Bakura: I just go to tea . co. uk and see what looks good.

Melvin: Fuck no! I don't want to share torture with you! Sorry, I torture alone.

Pharaoh: Exodia. 'Nuff said.

**(suspicious)Guest says:**

_hey, really funny story! question time!  
Bakura: Why are you in denial about your love for Marik?  
Marik: who's your favorite yugioh character?_

Bakura: There is no bloody denial! None, none at all! As long as Marik is with me and doesn't flirt with those stupid women, I don't care! Denial, nothing! I'M TOTALLY NOT IN BUGGERING DENIAL!

Marik: Myself. Nobody rivals my sexiness, therefor I am the best. Wasn't it obvious?

_**AN:**_  
**Do you wish these chapters were longer? So do I! Ask away ad get other people to ask away! Make this fic more entertaining ;) (Also I just realized that may have sounded like review-begging. Sorry about that.)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone.**

**You might be wondering what's taking me so long to update. I got an infection earlier this week and it's gotten progressively worse. Everything's gonna be on hold for a bit but I DID start working on INOTBBS/MandBAC!'s latest chapters. I'll update as soon as I can.  
**

**Also...do your best to avoid getting a shot in your bum. It hurts.  
**


	6. Dumb Shit

**Gah. I've been horribly sick since July 3rd, and I hate how everything ACHES, nonstop. But I have to write this for you, my fans!**

***A/N UPDATE! It is now July 23rd. What had happened is that my dad tried to set up a friggin' 'time block' or whatever in my laptop, and that resulted in blocking me out of my own computer. His goal was to limit my time on the internet from 6pm-9pm, but he failed. Not to mention an astounding amount of URL blocks. For now I have to use my sister's computer which also has a time block and a failing keyboard. Both INOTBBS and MABAC! are on hold. Sorry D:  
**


	7. Flirtation and Brooklyn Rage

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column! (This took too long)  
**

* * *

**Wolfairer says that: **_Hehe I can't get enough of this tortu- I mean asking questions _  
_ Bakura: who would you shag, marry and kill out of these three : Marik, Melvin and Akefia_  
_ Marik: the same question just with these people : Ryou, Akefia and Bakura_  
_ Yami: what do you think of Jaden Yuki and Yusei Fudo_

Bakura: *shudder* Melvin. Because at least I get to kill him.

Marik:Gah! The third one ruins what I'd like t- I mean, nevermind. Akefia! Because if Ryou dies then Baku dies...  
Bakura: No, I'd just need a different bo-  
Marik: SHUT UP / I couldn't bear it, risking your murder.  
Bakura: O3O...

Yami/Pharaoh: Jaden is an annoying, unfunny little kid and Yusei is the guy I am totally not homo for. End of story.

Dynamite and Soup asks:_I'm back! And I have a question for all: What's the craziest thing you would do for a klondike bar?_

Joey: Hug my dad  
Tristan: Hug Joey.  
Duke: Not be sexy! u_u  
Yugi: I don't even like ice cream.  
Pharaoh: Act like Yugi matters to me.  
Kaiba:Give up my Bl...my Bl-bl...Blue...Eyes...NO, I CAN'T do it. *To blue eyes* I'm so sorry dear, forgive me...?"  
Marik: Have sex with Bakura~!  
Bakura: Try to-WHAT?  
Zorc: Not spit fire from my dragon penis. (Marik: e_e)  
Joey: You know, now that I think about it I could easily do something worse and hug Tristan back.  
Tristan: How about letting me go out with Serenity? /PUNCHED  
Duke: You seem to forget that I seduce her into dating me in the-  
Joey&Tristan: SHUT UP!

**shadowclanwarrior says:**_ Aw, I feel so loved :D! Anyway, more questions:_

_ To Bakura: So...if you don't 'love' Marik, are you okay with me flirting with him?_

_ To Marik: Where did you get the idea to start an evil council?_

_ To Yugi: Do you ever get jealous that the Pharaoh gets more attention then you do?_

_ To Marik's Army of Steves: Does it ever get confusing with all of you guys having the same name?_

_ To Joey: How powerful is your Brooklyn Rage? Is it more powerful the a nuclear bomb?_

_ To Zorc: Why do you want to destroy the world?_

_ To Melvin: ...So, when can I have that hug you offered?_

Bakura: If you so much look at Marik for too long I will personally make sure you are stabbed endlessly and gutted while being strung up from a ceiling fan and-  
Marik: Baku...?  
Bakura: Shit... F-fine. Flirt...with him.

Marik: It was a meeting!  
Bakura: A dream meeting?  
Marik: Yes! Remember Bakura? The three of us, you me and Slenderman. He gave me the idea.  
Bakura: I don't remember that.  
Marik: Strange. I don't either.

Yugi: Of course not. So what he wins all the duels? So what he gets the attention of the girl I fantasize about? So what he's technically the real King of Games? As long as we're friends and side by side, it doesn't matter.  
Yami: What a pussy.

ALLSTEVES: Never!

Joey: Remember that movie 2012? Where the world fell apart basically? That was me a while ago before we rebuilt Earth. Nyeh~! *Star

Zorc: Because I get to sing about it!

Melvin: Not now, I'm busy.

**Watch out for INOTBBS!**


	8. Tea Attack and Apocalypse Music

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!  
**

* * *

**Mischievous **(and?)** Mayhem say**(s)**:  
**

_It's me! I am the artist formerly known as Eliza Kaiba! However I am now Mischievousness Mayhem. (My BFF & I share an account. I'm Mischief & she's Mayhem) Anyway!_  
_ Kaiba: What happens when someone owes you money?_  
_ Bakura: Do you think you're sexier than Marik?_  
_ Marik: Why do you think Bakura won't admit that he loves you?_  
_ Pharaoh: Does Bakura's accent annoy you?_  
_ Ummm, i think that's it..._  
_ __  
_ Mayhem HI! I share an account with Mischi-_  
_ Mischief I already told them that! _  
_ Mayhem oh... Well then, here's my question!_  
_ To Joey: when you first met Yugi, did you think he was a boy or a girl?_  
_ To Bakura: Can tea be used as a weapon?_

Kaiba: They die.

Bakura: Indeed I am not. Fortunately I can make up for that in intellect. I mean come on, Ryou's body is so scrawny.  
Marik: Even if Ryou weren't scrawny I'd still be the sexiest. Nobody rivals me there.

Marik: B-because he obviously doesn't. I think. We just hate each other, it's how we work! Shut up!

Pharaoh: I couldn't care less. But when he does show up...I wish he'd choke on his tea.

Joey: Nyeh, I know Yug's a boy. But those two chicks Marik and Bakura are totally lesbo for each other.

Bakura: Watch.  
*To Marik  
Bakura: TEA ATTACK! *Flings pot of hot tea at him*  
Marik: GYAAH! That almost burned my abs!  
Bakura: It...soaked your shirt, however.  
Marik: SO?  
Bakura: Maybe you should take it off. Just saying.

**FawnspiritForever says: **_(Aww, get better! :) In the meantime...) _Thank you :) I'm good now!

_ This column is friggin awesome. XD Question time, yay!_

_ Marik: Are you gay or just Egyptian? *cue Legally Blonde music* And does the ghost of Mel Gibson still haunt you?_  
_ Bakura: Why so British? Hehe._

_ ...Foxy boxes. XD_

Marik: EGYPTIAN! I am not gay, not gay not gay not gay, NOT GAY! And Everyone knows th-that ghost was gay, he said he was gay, not me, not anyone! NOBODY'S GAY!

Bakura: Go to hell :/

**Shadowclanwarrior says:**

_Awesome chapter. Aw, no hug :(. Oh well. Here are some more questions:_

_ To Marik: Hey, Marik, how's it going ;). My question for you is how did you get the Mega Ultra Chicken/Wing Dragon of Ra card?_

_ To Bakura: ...You do realize I just said that so I can get a reaction out of you, right?_

_ To Kaiba: What's worse; losing to Yami or losing your Blue-Eyes White Dragon?_

_ To Zorc: When you destroy the world, are you going to sing It's the End of the World As We Know It by REM?_

Marik: I... stole it. I totally didn't paint a real chicken gold and face severe disappointment.

Bakura: You did!? I mean, well the joke's on you. I already knew that.

Kaiba: I'd say both are equally sickening, but I...purposely lose to yami a lot so it kind of deadens the feling of sadness. I don't even know what sadness is anymore.

Zorc: No way, that song is SO overrated. I'm going to play 'Steppin' on the baaa'. Look it up.

wolfairer says:_Bakura: I have a problem telling someone I like I fancy them, could you show me how it's done please?_

_ Marik:I heard Akefia loves you, do you have the same feelings for him?_

_ Ryou: I want to know, what it's like to have Balura inside of you?_

_ Akefia: will you go and pick some flowers for my friend?_

_ Melvin: will you go and kill my enemy for me?_

Bakura: How the bloody hell would I know? I can barely do my bloody self! But since you asked...  
Bakura: Marik.  
Marik: Yes?  
Bakura: I..funjyuu...  
Marik: What? Your British accent trashed the rest of your sentence.  
Bakura: *IRK... I SAID I Fanjyu...  
Marik: SPEAK UP!  
Bakura: I SAID I FAN-F-FANCY-  
Marik: Stupid head!  
Bakura: FORGET IT, SOD OFF MARIK!  
Marik: I hate you!  
Bakura: I hate you more!  
Marik: I hate you times ten!  
Bakura: I hate YOU times INFINITY!  
Marik: I DOUBLE THAT!  
_*This goes on for the next few hours. Moving on._

Marik's Spokesperson Because The Actual Marik Is Still Arguing With Bakura: Who is that?

Ryou: You mean.. _inside_ of me? Oh I-I promised I'd never speak of that, it was a huge mistake on m-my p-part please don't-  
Bakura: She means your body. Sharing it.  
Ryou: OH!  
Bakura: We never even did anything like that.  
Ryou: O/O Oh dear. I must've dreamed it.

Akefia: Fuck picking them, how about I borrow them indefinitely from a store? They might last a tad longer.

Melvin: I'll have to charge. 10 for burns, 20 for severed heads and 40+ for mauling.

Vladroxmysox is happy to say:_I'm baaack *sing song voice* and I brought potatoes XD._  
_ For Ryou: If I said I had a cream puff right now what would you do to get it?_  
_ For Zorc: Why won't you put some friggin' pants on?_  
_ For Bakura: [dunno if this was asked before but okay] Be honest, are you a kitty?_  
_ For Pharoh: If I said I like villains [Bakura, Melvin, etc.] instead of heros [you] what would you do?_  
_ For Melvin: Want a free chainsaw, I mean it does have a lousy paint job and stuff but its free and it works._  
_ For Tea: I despise you...I just wanted to say that..._  
_ For All: ANYONE WANT ANY POTATOES!? I also have cookie :3...chocolate chip cookies..._

Ryou: I suppose I'd ask kindly and hope you- FUCK IT GIVE ME THAT BLOODY CREAM PUFF, WANKER!

Zorc: ...nothing fits ._.

Bakura: I'm not a kitty!  
Marik: Really? *strokes his hair*  
Bakura: Nnnn...  
Marik: See, he purrs!  
Bakura: Sure...whatever...

Pharaoh: Like who you want. But don't come crying to me when everyone's either banished into the shadow realm or suddenly a prissy little goody-two shoes.

Melvin: I'll simply paint it with blood. Now, I suppose your blood has a nice red hue...

Tea: You have made a very powerful enemy: FRIENDSHIP!

All: FUCK POTATOES UNLESS MICROWAVED :D


	9. Kitties and Poisoned Potatos

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!  
**

* * *

**Vladroxmysox says: **_To Melvin: Yes I suppose your right...hmmm I dunno guess I'll have to try it *evil grin*_  
_ To Bakura: Oh you are such a kitty Bakura and thats why people like you, its either that or your a bat..._  
_ To Marik: Thanks for petting him *slight fan girl attack*_  
_ To Ryou: Thank god I came prepared *gives him three boxes of cream puffs*_  
_ To Pharoh: heh heh screw everyone I love the shadow realm, and if they were prissy little goody-two shoes, I'd kill them all._  
_ To Tea: Bring it on Tea, Bring it on, friendship does not affect my kind...which I'm the only one...of my kind...but who cares IT DOES NOT AFFECT ME *uses Bakura as a human shield* [heh heh sorry kitty]_  
_ For All: *sets a huge plate down with microwaved potatoes* Enjoy, and watch out for the poisoned ones...for they are for someone special *evil grins* But which is the special person oh the suspense...LATERS!_

Bakura: _Nnnnn._..not...a kitty...  
Marik: Your hair is so soft! I don't understand... it's so messy!  
Bakura: Shut up and pet me. =^=

Marik: You really should come up and pet him.  
Bakura: NO, DON'T YOU DARE! Only Marik can...do that.

Ryou: Munch Munch... *GLARE OF BRITISH EVIL*

Pharaoh: ...Shut up.

Tea: Alright! I'm okay with destroying whoever that is with FRIENDSHIP! *Points finger* Grrrrrrrrrr...

*Joey picks up a potato* Joey: Nyeh, should I eat this one?  
Yugi: Joey, that one's clearly poiso-  
Tea: GACK! MY POTATO'S NOT POISONED!  
Everyone:...?  
Melvin: Gee, all of these potatoes have put me in the mood for a hug...

Shadowclanwarrior says:_Awesome like always. More questions:_

_ Marik: I know you stole it, but HOW did you steal it?_

_ Bakura: ...Right, you TOTALLY knew that T_T. So when are you going to propose to Marik?_

_ Melvin: What's better, slow and painful death or very quick and bloody death?_

_ Everyone: Who's more feminine, Marik, Bakura, Ryo, or Yugi?_

Marik: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! But I will tell you I do NOT like strip clubs anymore!

Bakura: Exactly. And I will not propose to Marik. He's a human and I'm a spirit. It just wouldn't work...oh hell. Maybe sometime soon. Maybe. Probably not. Maybe.

Melvin: Slow and painful, as long as I'm not the one dying. I like to watch those I kill suffer long and painful deaths.

Everyone: RYOU.  
Ryou: WANKERS! *snarls over cream puff*

Dynamite and Soup is happy to say that:_This is fun :D_  
_ bakura: is l'oreal really all you use? Because your hair is effing gorgeous._  
_ Marik: Would you rather kiss bakura on the cheek or on the neck? And whatver your answer, you have to follow through (you're welcome, bakura!)_  
_ Zorc: How far can your dragon penis shoot a fireball?_  
_ Yugi: Is bamboo your main diet?_  
_ Tristan: Will the sun be up in a few hours?_  
_ Annnnnd Pharoah: TELL ME your thoughts on puzzleshipping. I'm a curious person._

Bakura: My hair is my secret. I will never tell.  
Marik:Tell me.  
Bakura: No.  
Marik: *strokes his hair with two hands* TELL ME!  
Bakura: Nnnnn- dammit! St-stop!  
Marik: No.

Marik: Hmmmm. Well my hands are busy on his hair so I guess I'll have to lean forward and kiss him him on the neck.  
Bakura: Please, N-  
Marik: *smooch  
Bakura: *Faints

Zorc: AROUND THE WORLD!

Yoogy: First of all, I'd like my name changed back. And NO, I don't eat bamboo! Ass.

Tristan: Maybe. *shifty eyes*

Pharaoh: Maybe my long womany legs would look good in that pairing. But y'know, he's a panda. Bestiality and all that's not my thing.

**ASK QUESTIONS, FOLKS! THEY'RE FUN TO RESPOND TO! Also I tried to go back and answer questions I thought I had skipped. Forgive me!**

**Thanks Vladroxmysox, Dynamite and Soup and everyone else for reviewing constantly!  
**


	10. Opinions and Britishness

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!  
**

* * *

**Dark-Angel6943 says: **_Okay, so this has been greatly entertaining. _  
_ Ryou: Can I have you pleasseee? Your so cute and sweet, I'll give you alll the cream puffs you could ever eat if you come be my little puff ball :3_  
_ Seto: How exactly do you feel about tabloidshipping?_  
_ Marik&Bakura: Why havnt either of you kidnapped Mokuba yet?_  
_ Melvin: Why havnt YOU kidnapped Mokuba? and you call yourself evil, Ive been more afraid of spiders. Though I might be more threatened if you give me a hhuuuggg..._  
_ Seto: So do you like Nekos and furrys?_  
_ Bakura,Melvin, and Pharaoh: Do any of you actually care about your hikaris or are they just sort of there?**  
**_

Ryou: Ummm...  
Bakura: Cream puffs.  
Ryou: Fine! I'll be your puffball 'till the next update. *shivers*

Seto:...  
Mokuba: Thats' weird!  
Seto: I'm...  
Seto: Going to be sick.  
Mokuba: You don't look sick-  
Seto: Shut up, Mokuba.

Marik: We did one time.  
Bakura: And then we let him go. He wasn't being a good captive.  
Marik: I guess the rush of kidnapping goes away when your captive's been kidnapped so many times before.

Melvin: He's weak and puny and wouldn't put up any kind of fight. His death would be boring. Oh and, that hug of yours...*Melvin approaches you and holds out his arms. You step in AND-*

Seto: I'm rudely interrupting the hug to say maybe.

B,M,P: They're just there.  
R,Ma,Y: ASS.

**Vladroxmysox says:**_ To Melvin: Me to...but I have to wait two days in order to "hug" anyone, any suggestions on what I should use?_  
_ To Tea: Is there an echo in here I SAID BRING IT! *takes out sword from final fantasy that cloud uses* don't ask how I got it_  
_ To Pharaoh: And if I don't shut up?_  
_ To Bakura: *walks up to him and pokes his hair* You do not scare me vampire\bat\kitty...you do not scare me...and my friend over there...*points at her friend* you do not scare her either...but my other friend *point* you scare her...sometimes..._  
_ [they are more like killing spree buddies but whatever]_  
_ To Yugi and Yami: Can I kill Tea...please? And even if you say no I'll still kill her...but still_  
_ To Joey: Hows the Brooklyn Rage?_  
_ To Trystan: ...*waves*_  
_ To Everyone: *rolls eyes* You have to be a total moron to not understand which potato is poisoned and which is not, you just need to base it on taste instead of swallowing it...and plus its pretty obvious what that one potato is aimed for...oh yes and also *pokes Ryou's hair to* your hairs soft to...bye for now *poofs into smoke like a ninja*_

Melvin: Bakura's spiky dildo.  
Bakura: WHAT!? I DON'T HAVE A-

Tea: *runs away

Bakura: Because I have nothing better to do than strike fear into people's friends' hearts... -_-  
Marik: Cuz you're busy hitting on me.  
Bakura: WHAT-?  
Marik: I'm just _kidding_, Fluffy! What the hell is wrong with you?  
Bakura:...sod off.

Yoogi and yayme: Change our names back, RandomThoughts. And yes, feel free.

Joey: RAGEALICOUS.

**Dynamite and Soup says:**_ I have once again returned with an annoying onslaught of random questions!_  
_ Kaiba: What's bigger, Russia or your ego?_  
_ Yugi: *throws bamboo at his head* Now you won't starve you little prick! THAT'S for calling me an ass!_  
_ Melvin: Who/what is the number one person/thing you want to hug right now?_  
_ Bakura: Sorry, I didn't mean to make you faint... Btw would you rather kiss Marik on the neck or cheek? Follow through as well._  
_ Marik: Assuming you didn't pass out, how many pounds does all of your gold jewlery weigh?_  
_ Rex and Weevil: I will give you five dollars if you relentlessly annoy Tea._  
_ Tea: Try not to kill yourself, I'll have someone on it._  
_ Melvin: I have just provided you a victim that's begging for death. Enjoy_

Kaiba: Nothing can surpass my ego.

Yoogy: *throws it back* I do not eat bamboo! AND CHANGE MY NAME BACK TO 'YUGI'!

Melvin: You. 3 3...Just fucking with you. I want to hug...a tree. Could my hug be effective against a tree? Let's find out soon...

Bakura: *woozy* Neither. Bugger off! I don't want to have anything to do with Marik!  
Marik: B-but-  
Bakura: NO, Marik!  
Marik: *whimper*  
Bakura: Don't you da-  
Marik: My cheek. Kiss my cheek.  
Bakura:...Fine. *light peck*  
Marik: Not enough.  
Bakura: It's that or a bloody make out. NEXT QUESTION!

Marik: I dunno. Maybe EIGHTY GAJILLION POUNDS! It's so heavy and tight! But it's the price of beauty.

Rex: Okay, dork. Huh huh huh XD  
Weevil:Awwww yeah, dork. *annoying laugh*  
Tea: NOOOOO-

Melvin: We'll do this off-screen...

**Shadowclanwarrior says: **_Geez, Marik, do you have to yell in my ear T_T? Anyway more questions to annoy the cast of Yu-Gi-Oh!_

_ Marik and Melvin: What's your opinion on Bronzeshipping?_

_ Bakura and Ryo: What's your opinion on Tendershipping?_

_ Marik and Bakura: What's your opinion on Thiefshipping?_

_ Akefia: If Bakura is a kitty, does that make you a kitty too? Also, how come your hair is so white from living in Egypt?_

_ Melvin: ...Can I PLEASE have that hug I asked for from a few chapters ago XD?_

Marik: It could happen if I LOST THE WILL TO LIVE! ARE YOU CRAZY!?  
Melvin: Let me look some of those fics up. I'm somewhat nauseated...

Bakura: Bullocks.  
Ryou: Ah... right. Bullocks. It would never happen...

Marik: No.  
Bakura: Never.  
Marik: No way.  
Bakura: No how.  
Marik: It could-  
Bakura:-Never happen.  
*Both stop and stare*

Akefia:No. I'm not a kitty. That stupid britishness made him a kitty. And I have a rare disease that made my hair white, get over it.

Melvin: Nope. Too busy reading fanfics. You'll have to wait :D


	11. His Name is Yoogy

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column! ('Extra long to make up for falling behind' special!)  
**

* * *

**Yami Chaos says: **_Chaos: O.O MUST. ASK. QUESTIONS..._

_ me: -_- k fine we'll ask questions..._  
_ Chaos: YAY!_  
_ me: this is what I get when I have a hyperactive Yami *sigh*_

_ (These are Chaos's questions)_  
_ Bakura: I wanna steal one of my Hikari's friends things... any tips?_  
_ Melvin: can you hug Yugi for me? The baby panda's a total dick_  
_ Yami: can I murder you? Cause you freaking annoy me_  
_ Seto: ... Do you know Joey has dream sex with you?_  
_ Joey: you shall die because I have 'NEW YORK RAGE!' _  
_ Tristan: don't worry cause in a couple of hours the sun will rise! _  
_ Yugi: would you prefer to be maimed by a knife or a chainsaw? *angelic smile* _  
_ Bakura: *evil laugh* KILL YUGI! _  
_ Ryou: how the bloody hell do you get wankers cramp? No... I'm not british I just like the word bloody... bloody... hehehehe_  
_ Tea: you know what's even better than friendship? BLOOD!_  
_ (End of Chaos's questions)_

_ Me: MY TURN!_  
_ Chaos: BLOOD!_

_ (My questions)_  
_ Malik: could you please wear a longer shirt? Your Midriff isn't very appealing (shut the hell up Bakura)_  
_ Bakura: OMG A KITTY! *runs onto set and hugs Bakura* :p Melvin no hugs for you!_  
_ Yugi: do you know that my Yami hates you for some reason? (Chaos: DEATH TO YUGI!)_  
_ Bakura: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR HAIR_  
_ Attem: TELL ME... _  
_ Marik: ...foxy boxes..._  
_ (End of my questions)_

_ Me: sorry if this is long_  
_ Chaos: DEATH TO ALL PANDAS!_

Bakura: What tips are there to give? If you don't know by now, I'm not going to waste my tea-scented spiritual energy.  
Marik: You kinda smell more like sand, Baku.  
Bakura: Shut up.

Melvin: I will not hug a dick. At least not Yoogy's.  
Yoogy: My name is Yugi. She didn't mean it precisely like tha-  
Melvin: Look Yoogy, as much as I'd like to murder you violently right now, I need to consider what dicks I'd hug and the people I owe hugs right now.

Yami: Why would you ask me permission to end my life? And no.

Joey: Nyeeeh, no I do not!  
Kaiba: There's no way... he can't afford to have dreams of me.  
Joey: Yes I can!  
Kaiba: How...would you know? You disgust me, dog.

Joey: I have U.S. Rage!  
Bandit Keith: In America!

Tristan: YES!

Yoogy: FUCK YOU AND GET RID OF THE NAME 'YOOGY'!

Bakura: I only see Yoogy. I dunno where Yugi is.  
Yoogy: FUUUUUCK!

Ryou:...bloody.

Tea: *Runs and cries*

**2ND PERSON:**

Malik: Awww...  
Marik: That's right, pull down your shirt! Who even are you?  
Malik: I'm you but the 'r' is an 'l' and my last name is Bishtar.  
Marik: Die.

Bakura: *scratches* Mraawr. Hiss. Whatever a bloody kitty sounds like.  
Marik: Daaaaaw!  
Melvin: Dear god this is nauseating. And I don't want you filthy hug anyway!

Yoogy: FUCK YOU TOO CHAOS! (Just kidding, I love everyone!)

Bakura: Beeswax.  
Marik: Wow, Bakura. Everyone's heard that lame 'none of your business' line.  
Bakura: No..I really melt down beeswax and stick up my hair with it. You try it! (Bakura's lying)

Atem: Nope.

Marik: That is SOOO old

Marik: Heh heh.

**M169 says: **_To Marik: Lets play a game! _

_ You're options are Bakura, Melvin, and Ryo, Who would you kiss, fuck, or kill. Pick one for each option. _  
_ To Bakura: I love it when Marik pet's you're hair. And you're so girly. Fainting? Sometimes I think you could be more feminine than Marik...What do you think about that?_  
_ To Ryo: You're so adorable! Can I glomp you?_  
_ To Melvin: Do you want one of MY famous HUGS? Also, Would you rather team up with the greatest villian of all time (besides you) or be killed by him?_  
_ To Zorc: You can't destroy my world. I already destroyed it._ HA!

Marik: Kiss: Ryou Fuck: Bakura Kill: Melvin.  
Ryou: WHAT!? THAT WAS AWFULLY FAST!  
Marik: It's the lesser of two evils. What am I supposed to do, fuck Melvin?  
Bakura: You could have easily just fucked Ryou...  
Marik: Nahh. I know you better, Baku.  
Melvin: Well.

Bakura: I think TEA ATTACK! *Flings pot of hot tea at you*

Ryou: Ah...okay?  
*Ryou Gets glomped*

Melvin: Team up with and then betray him. I work alone. And yes, let's hug each other! WAIT- I think I owe other people hugs...shit.

Zorc: NOOOO-

**Vladroxmysox says: **_Heh heh this really mad my day highschool sucks RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN anyways I'm here to ask a few questions I'm on a tight schedule before I go to hell- i mean...uhmmm school again..._  
_ To Bakura: You could probably strike fear into one of my friends hearts...but the other one would probably laugh and pet you...nothing scares her...except for clowns..._  
_ To Marik: CAN I HUG YOU!? Just for the hell of it...and i need a hug *sniffle* highschool is a huge disappointment._  
_ To Melvin: I'm not afraid of your hugs, I'll probably enjoy it anyways being the psycho I am...I mean my mental state is as straight as a circle and thats as straight as it'll get. Also...Bakura has a spikey dildo? *evil smirk* hehhehheh thanks for the evil plan :3_  
_ To Joey: Rage can be delicious?_  
_ Akefia: Uhm Akefia...I think you have competition for the title of being the king of thieves...my friend proved that this morning...also nice scar [I like scars almost as much as...CHAINSAWSSSS]_  
_ Yeah this is not a few questions but whatever. See ya til next time oh yes..._  
_ To Ryou: *randomly hugs* I just also wanted to do that...to see how fluffy you were...well bye!_

Bakura: I'll dress up as a clown then.

Marik: No problem. You can even feel my abs if you want! ^_o

Melvin: I think you're the one I owe a hug, too...  
Bakura: HOW DID YOU FIND MY-

Joey: It tastes like deep dish pizza.

Akefia: I'm personally offended by the fact you think your friend could even hold a candle to my skills in thievery.

Ryou: *Poofs out*

**Shadowclanwarrior says:** _...Still now hug :(. I am heartbroken...and I'm running out of questions..._

_ Akefia: That's okay. I think your very sexy with the white hair ;). Anyway, what's your opinion on Bakura and Ryo and which one do you like better?_

_ Everyone: What's your opinion on world domination?_

Melvin: YES! THE HUG I OWE! *Gives you the biggest, most brutal hug ever given in history, time and space*

Akefia: Ryou's a pussy. I like Bakura better. But Ryou's cuter.

Everyone: LOLNOTHAPPENING

**Justalittlebatty says: **_Salutations! Now that the useless hello is over, on to the questions._  
_ To Bakura: How did you remember that you hated Yami when he didn't remember anything? Oh, and I collect knives too, would you consider trading with me?_  
_ To Melvin: Who would you choose to be your partner in crime: Bakura, Marik, or me?_  
_ To Pegasus: Peggy! Your duelling tournament are fabulous! How do you do it?_  
_ To Ryou: The question we've all been waiting for...gay or European?_

Bakura: Because I still remembered e_e And as for your knives I don't need ANYTHING you have to offer.

Melvin: You. I can kill you off faster (As stated before I work alone)

Pegasus: It's my fabulous secret.

Ryou: I'm not gay, just European!  
Bakura: Right. And I'm not European, just gay.  
Ryou: Isn't that true?  
Bakura: Of course not.  
Marik: Which part? ewe

**Xephyr-Holes said: **_Wow, this is AMAZING._  
_ Questions:_  
_ Marik: If you were the ugliest person in the world, what would you do?_  
_ Bakura: If Marik was the ugliest person in the world, would you still love him?_  
_ Bakura again: Would you rather shag Marik or Ryo? Don't say neither!_  
_ Melvin: If you're finished reading fanfics, then I have a gift for you. But you have to guess what it is._  
_ Pharaoh: choose between Yugi and Cookies. Choose._  
_ Ryo: I have a cream puff AND YOU CAN'T HAVE IT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
_ Anyone: Kill my sister. Please._

Marik: I would kill myself.

Bakura: I don't love him as the hottest boy in the world, how would I love him as the ugliest!?  
Marik: You just called me the hottest boy in the world~! Thank you Baku.

Bakura: I-Ummm-  
Marik: Out with it.  
Ryou: Yeah, tell us.  
Bakura: Fuck both of you! *Huff*  
Marik and Ryou: NO THREESOMES!

Melvin: I'll guess while reading this fanfic.  
Guess one: A new chainsaw that is actually old and killed Dracula.

Pharaoh: I can't choose cookies because they'll fatten my womany legs. I have no other choice than to choose Yugi.

Ryou: *Foams at the mouth* I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU IN YOUR BLOODY SLEEP!

Bakura: I volunteer.  
Melvin: No, I do.  
Bakura: Is that a challenge?  
Melvin: I suggest we hug it out.  
Bakura: No hug!


	12. Tea Resistant and Kaiba's Fapping

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!  
**

* * *

_**Dynamite and Soup wants me to **Guess who's back!? Its me. And my explosive soup. Yeah._  
_ No threesomes? Oh well, too bad._  
_ ROGUESHIPPING. NOW. _  
_ please?_  
_ Mwahahahahahaha!_  
_ Melvin: If you could only hug one person for the rest of your life, who would it be?_  
_ Pharaoh: I've got your pants. And I look fabulous in them. Also, if Slyfer the sky dragon/ executive producer asked you out for a fancy dinner date, would you go? _  
_ Yoogy: if you were to eat a panda, that would be considered cannibalism along with being illegal, yes?_  
_ Marik: I found this banana on the counter, find a use for it *hands banana*_  
_ Ryou: You get a grapefruit. Find a use._  
_ Bakura: What brand of eyeliner do you use?_  
_ Kaiba: Where's Mokuba?_  
_ I think that's it... kthnxbye. :3_

Marik: Rogueshipping? What is that?  
Akefia: *Looks at Bakura  
Bakura: *Looks at Akefia  
Akefia and Bakura: *Looks at Marik  
Marik: What.  
Bakura: No.  
Akefia: Yes.  
Bakura: What do you mean yes?  
Akefia: I'd totally fuck his hot butt.  
Bakura: Don't you dare! Stay away from him!  
Akefia: I'm sure he would-*PUNCHED*  
Marik: Ooh, a cat fight! Like an actual cat fight because everyone know Kura's a kitty. Get it? Ha ha.

Pharaoh: I'm glad you like my pants. I'd like them back now. And as for that dinner date...  
Slyfer: QwQ  
Pharaoh: Oh baby, I'd only use you.  
Slyfer: I don't mind...  
Pharaoh: Okay fine. But nothing greasy, I need to keep my fine, womany legs nice and thin.

YoogyIsThisPermanentName: FUCK YOU!

Marik: What are you implying I'd use this for?

Ryou: U-Um-What?

Bakura: The kind your mother gave me! Of course I don't wear eyeliner.  
Marik: That is so a lie. But it's okay Fluffy, I wear it too!  
Bakura: Oh for Ra's sake, I give up. *huff

Kaiba: How the hell should I know? I'll just hire some men to go find him...again.

**Xephyr-Holmes **says:

_Heh heh heh._

_ Marik: I will take all of your revealing clothes AND REPLACE THEM WITH CLOTHES THAT COVER YOUR MIDRIFF. And there's nothing you can do._  
_ Bakura: If you kiss Marik right now, you can kill my sister._  
_ Melvin: Wrong! Try again. I'll give you a clue; It can be used to maim and kill people very painfully._  
_ Ryou: HAHAHAHAHA No cream puff for you! *Holds up cream puff tauntingly*_  
_ Pharaoh: Good point. But I'm gonna kill Yugi anyway._  
_ Melvin again: I know several people who say they can withstand your hugs. Care to prove them wrong?_  
_ Kaiba: Kiss Joey. Right now. I'm holding you Blue-eyes White Dragon cards host_age _until you do. _

Marik: NOOOOO! I BEG OF YOU, DON'T!

Bakura: I don't even know your sister. But meh, a murder is a murder.  
Marik: Bakura what are you doing.  
Bakura: Just a quick peck Marik, I can kill someone if I do.  
Marik: Back off!  
Bakura: No- hold still, you buggering idiot!

Melvin: Tell me or I'll give you the most vicious hug I ever hope to give anyone.

Ryou: D: Wh-why!?

Pharaoh: Fine. I don't even know who Yugi is.  
Yoogy: That's me!  
Pharaoh: He said Yugi, not Yoogy. You're safe.

Melvin: I will when I feel like it.

Kaiba: Not my blue eyes!  
Joey: Nyeh, don't touch me Kaiba! Otherwise I might have more furry dreams...  
Kaiba: This is my Blue Eyes. I'm going to kiss you and fuck how you feel about it!  
Joey: Get back! I'll use my Brooklyn Rage if you even try to-  
Kaiba: *WET SLOPPY SMOOCH*

Kaiba: I want to vomit.

**M169** says:

_To Ryo: Thank you for letting me glomp you. Do you have any special man/woman in your life? You actions make me believe you are bisexual...  
To The Pharaoh: I fucking hate you. You're so ignorant. I swear from this day forward I shall find a way to destroy you.  
Anyway, My question is, Why do you think you're the handsomest of them all, when both Marik, Bakura, and Ryo are much better looking?  
To Yugi: I just wanted to let you know that the Pharoah was a fucking jerk in ancient Egypt. And was very ignorant to what his father did. I know he never told you, but it's not like he was never nice to you either.  
To Marik: My last question was the kiss, fuck, or kill question. Now you have to attempt to fallow through with each one.  
(Also if you could pet Baku's hair again that'd be great!)  
To Bakura: I am hot tea resistant. Also, Which nickname from Marik do you like the best? Baku, kitty, Kura, or Fluffy?  
To Melvin: I'm glad you work alone, but what if the grestest villian betrayed you first while you were planning to betray him?  
Bakura: I am Tea resistant. Sorry._

Ryou: N/A  
Melvin: Seriously?  
Ryou: N/A N/A N/A N/A

Pharaoh: Ooh, I'm so scared... shit. *Flees*

Yoogy: Thanks for using my real na-  
Pharaoh: She was talking to Yugi, not you. Sheesh Yoogy, get it together.

Marik: *Jumps onto motorcycle and drives off* NOPE, HAHAHA- Wait- *Turns around and comes back*  
Bakura: No. Get away.  
Marik: *Grabs Bakura's hair and massages it **How do you even do that  
Bakura: Unngh-! M-Marik, stop, bloody idiot!  
***Ladies contain your fangasms**

Bakura: *Slaps Marik's hands away* None of them. But if I were forced to choose one... Fluffy.  
Marik: Aww. I liked calling you Kitty.  
Bakura: I'm not a kitty. (^._.^)~

Melvin: Then during that betrayal I'd perform a flying hug and end his life.

**Dreamblitz X** says:

_MUST PET THE KITTY! _  
_ Also-i have a sister almost as bad as joey I MEAN nothing... But im happy to trade... A kill for a kill;)_  
_ And why does my gaydar always overload near pegasus and pretty much everyone else here? Its annoying to reset..._

_ Please post in next chapter_

Pegasus: Go home ;o  
Marik: Hey, we haven't heard from you till now.  
Pegasus: Because I was busy being fabulous. I hope you reset your gaydar so much your fingers bleed ^^

**Rainbow-Claw** Suddenly comes at me with:

_Takiri: *wags her tails* Yes, take off your shirt marik and let the yaoi fantasies begin *drools*_

MEANWHILE, IN ANCIENT EGYPT...

Atem: Um, Shada?

Shada: Yes, my king?

Atem: I don't think this is the princess from Siberia. -_-

Me: MPH RMPH! *gagged and tied naked to an unnamed guard*

Unnamed guard: *passed out due to nosebleed*

Shada: Yeah, good point.

Atem: Oh well I'll just ask Seto to take her back to where she belongs. By the way, where IS Seto anyway?

Aknadin: I think he's-

Atem: Actually, I'm not so sure I WANT to know.

MEANWHILE IN SETO'S CHAMBERS...

Seto: *jerking off*

BACK WITH ATEM...

_Shimon: *shudder* Me neither._

**I don't even know how to respond to that ._. XD Then you said:  
**

_My questions:_  
_ 1. Anyone, how do you tell a super-shy korean boy that you are in love with him without causing any embarrassment._  
_ 2. Akefia would you rather shag atem in front of his royal court or in front of everyone on earth?_  
_ 3. Atem can I glomp you in front of your royal court to see their reactions (if you say no I'll still do it anyway)_  
_ 4. Kaiba are you aware of the gay rumors about you, yami, and joey? Which ones are true? Also you can't opt out of this because if you do I'll set zorc free to destroy your company._  
_ 5. Isis do you like karim and karim do you like her back?_

Marik: Just tell him you think he's the perfect evil partner for you and that you wish to be able to commit crimes together-together instead of just regular together ^^  
Bakura: Where did you come up with that?  
Marik: Umm... nowhere...

Akefia: I'd die before either of those happened.

Atem: No.  
Rainbow-Claw: *Does it anyway*  
Atem: I JUST TOLD YOU- GUARDS! Take her away!  
Guards: *Too busy laughing to hear Atem's order*

Kaiba: Thejoeyoneistruetoanextent.  
Joey: What-

Isis: He's very handsome, but I can't particularly say I love him...  
Karim: Maybe a little.

**luckynumberblack** says:_ Okay I have one question per person. here goes. Melvin: Did you know that you aren't even vaguely frightening compared to my cat Satan? Yami: What song would you say describes you? Marik who is your favorite person in the world? Ryou: Will you marry me? Joey: How come the goddess of luck loves you so much? Bakura: Are you in love with someone? Tea: Would you rather marry Melvin, Pegasus, or Mai? Tristan: I don't want you to explode so I'll just say "You're awesome dude" Kaiba: would you rather kiss Joey, Noah, or Yogi bear? Yugi: If you had to kill someone how would you do it?_

Melvin: I challenge your cat to a hug-off, then!

Yami: Not to overuse this song even more, but I'd say "Sexy and I know it".

Marik: Kura is!  
Bakura: Oh-um... Thanks, I suppose.  
Marik: No problem, kitty.  
Bakura: ~(^;_;^)

Ryou: I- I'm so sorry, but I can't. Please don't be offended...

Joey: Probably my Brooklyn sexiness, nyehhhhhhh-

Bakura: Of course I'm not in bloody love with someone. Love is for the weak.

Tea: *Points gun to head*

Tristan: Tha- *EXPLOSION*

Kaiba: Fuck you.

Yoogy: I'd sa-  
Pharaoh: Shut up, yoogy. She was talking to Yugi.  
Yoogy: FOR FUCKS SAKE, I AM YUGI!

**A/N It's been a while, huh ;D**


	13. Cat Spirits and Who's Marik?

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!  
**

* * *

**Shadowclanwarrior says:** _Awesomeness :D! And I have a new question to ask!_

_ To Pegasus: Aside from yourself, who is the most fabulous person in Yu-Gi-Oh?_

Pegasus: Darling, how on earth is that even a question- I am obviously the MOST fabulous!

**Vladroxmysox says:**_ Hey guys its me again and mai d-day is coming up to x3! And I haz questions that I'm going to make up as I go along now lets see what my brain is up toooo._  
_ To Bakura: She'll probably murder you then but you can try, I guess. As the saying goes "don't start something that you know you can't finish"._  
_ To Melvin: You should sooo give me a hug for my d-day [inside joke among friends]_  
_ To Joey: Damnit now I want some pizza..._  
_ To Akefia: Oh yeah your right, she holds a fucking bear to your thievery skills my bad ahehehMUAHAHAAAA._  
_ To Ryou: Hey you want to have a staring contest?_  
_ To Everyone: This is a one chance opportunity and also a challenge to you all if you accept it of course. I'm very bored of the same old Happy Birthday song so I'm trying to get people [my friends included] to write a different Happy Birthday song with new lyrics and stuff because I dunno it just seems cool. So if you accept this you have til the end of my birthday week to make one up if you choose, this message with self destruct and explode cheetos everywhere in 3...2...1...*explodes*_

Bakura: You can't murder me. I'm a spirit.  
Marik: A _cat_ spirit!  
Bakura: No- Just a regular sp-  
Marik: Catspiritcatspiritcatspirit-  
Bakura: SHUT UP!

Melvin: I'll give you a hug when I fall in love with Bakura.

Joey: *Nom nom nom* It's all mine, nyehh...

Akefia: *Punches you in the face*

Ryou: Um...alright. o_o *stares

*I'd love to do this but I would fail miserably, no doubt ;_; So instead I steal the cheetos. Nom.

**Reuky Ishtar asks: **_to Marik- *in Belarus' voice* hey big brother! i has question... which would you rather be on top of you? Akefia or Bakura? or both?_

_ to Akefia-how often do you take advantage of Marik in bed?_

_ to Bakura- (same question)_

Marik: Why on earth would a straight guy like me want EITHER of them on top?  
Bakura: No no no, you've avoided every sex question thrown at you so far. Answer this one.  
Marik: But-But Bakura-  
Akefia: I don't even know you.  
Marik: What?  
Akefia: Who are you?  
Bakura: That's not important, you keep away from him.  
Marik: Hey! Anyone can want me if they like.  
Bakura: I thought you were _straight_, Marik.  
Akefia: What's even happening here. I'd swear my "descendent" is a bit-  
Marik:That may be but that doesn't mean-

**Reuky Ishtar says: **_Oh i forgot! _  
_ anyone- Im playing okami and im now in Agata forest but idk where it's guardian sapling is! halp!_

_ Akefia/Marik/Bakura- if you had a choice would you rather. live in Japan, Modern Egypt, or Ancient Egypt?_

_ Akefia/Bakura- do you think Marik's a good kisser? and would you enjoy a night with him topping?_

_ Marik- would you enjoy a night topping?_

Marik: I don't know.  
Bakura: Who even  
Akefia: There's a lot to steal in Japan. I'm gonna live there.

Bakura/Akefia: We don't know how he kisses.

Marik: Topping a _WOMAN!_ HAHAHAHAHAHA-  
Bakura: Give it up.  
Marik: ;_;

**luckynumberblack says:**_ Ryou: That's ok I'm hardly offended. Would you rather own a dog or a cat? _  
_ Marik: I have a girl I like. We've been friends for a long time now. Should I confess, and if so how should I confess?_  
_ Ishizu: Is your brother Marik gay?_  
_ Yugi or Yoogy(either one): Will you answer my question from the previous chapter?_  
_ Bakura: I need some advice on how to take over the world. Any suggestions?_  
_ Pharaoh: May I ride your invisible bicycle from the Capsule Monsters arc?_  
_ Melvin: ...you really don't want to do that... oh well rest in pieces._  
_ Kaiba: Okay how about hug instead of kiss. Now will you answer the freaking question?_

Ryou: A kitty. They're soft, quiet and cute.

Marik: Force them to change their name to Steve and brainwash them into-  
Bakura: Marik, this is one of the few people who have actually asked for ADVICE in our ADVICE column instead of a question.* Let me do the talking.  
Marik: You don't even know how to confess to people!  
Bakura: I've been alive longer than you, don't even try to tell me you know any bloody thing about anything-  
Marik: Shut up!  
Bakura: You shut your buggering face, you bloody bastard! Kiss my ass!  
Marik: Maybe I will!  
Rex: Gaaaaay.  
Weevil: Yeah, hehe heh, gay.

Ishizu: That's a...difficult question.  
Marik: Be right back sis, I'm gonna go use the toilet.  
Ishizu:... Yes. Even without the necklace I could see it. He's got something for that Bakura.

Yugi: I prefer the whole non-violence thing. But, if I didn't, I'd go for splitting them open, pulling out their innards-but nothing vital, so they'd survive, awaken them if they passed out from shock and then cook them in the oven.  
Melvin: Pfft. Amateurs.

Bakura: I couldn't even defeat the Pharaoh. Take over the world my ass.

Pharoah: No. You might break it...it's very...fragile.

Melvin: *Snore*

Kaiba: I could hug Joey. At least I could injure him a little.  
Joey: Nyehh, I see you trying to put that doggy costume on me!  
Kaiba: Shut up, this costume costs more than your house.


	14. Doggy Costumes and Secret Ships

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!  
**

* * *

**Reuky Ishtar says:** _haha you people are funny..._

_ Bakura- I have noticed you get very protective of Marik when Akefia's around... you care about him don't you? *chibi Italy smile*_

Pegasus: _You people?_ Why you-  
Bakura: *interrupting* Of course. He's too stupid to take care of himself, it only makes sense that I should be concerned.  
Akefia: That's not the same thing and you know it w  
Bakura: ANYWAY-

**Xephyr-Holmes belives that:**_This is still AMAZING. My computer exploded._  
_ You're paying for the new one I got. Or I suppose I could bully Ryou into paying._  
_ Melvin: I could stand one of your hugs. Pfft. And I'm not telling you what it is!_  
_ Marik: Make out with Bakura. Or I WILL replace your clothes with midriff-concealing ones, and whenever you get new ones I'll replace those too. And the clothes will be BAGGY and not tight AT ALL around your buttocks. So nobody will be able to tell if you're actually as sexy as you are! Heh heh heh. *grabs camera* Also I'm filming you two make out, hope you DO mind._  
_ Yoogy: CAN I TOUCH YOUR FACE?_  
_ Kaiba: OHYESPUTTHEDOGCOSTUMEONJOEYR IGHTNOW._  
_ Bakura: Are those Yaoi Theifshipping books I see in your room?_  
_ Ryou: Hahaha! You can have all the cream puffs in the world... If you can amuse me by pissing off Bakura._  
_ Everyone except Bakura and Marik: Wasn't this originally MARIK AND BAKURA'S advice column? Why is EVERYONE else here too?_

Melvin: You're even worse than the damned doors!

Marik: Kura.  
Bakura: No.  
Marik: Yes.  
Bakura: It takes two to make out, and I'm not doing it.  
Marik: Kura.  
Bakura: WHAT?  
Marik: Say bloody.  
Bakura:...blo-  
MAKEOUTS TIME!  
Bakura: Mmmf-mfffk-  
Marik: *Pulls back, panting a bit.* There, I did i-  
Bakura: That was terrible. This is how you really kiss. *Pulls him back*

Yoogy:...Yes.  
Xephyr: dB *slams palm on yoogy's face and rubs vigorously*

Kaiba: *forces the costume on, trying to zip it up*  
Joey: Stop! St-stop! I'm not a furry you rich evil jerk!  
Kaiba: God that accent.

Bakura: They're not _mine_. They're uh, Marik's.  
Marik: *picks up copies* Well, they must be. Mine don't include bondage to this extre-  
Bakura: *shoves Marik out the way* They're yours now! *huff huff*

Ryou: ._.  
Bakura: Don't even try.  
Ryou:...Baku. Kitty. Please, Kura. It's for the cream puffs. Kura, please-  
Bakura: Only _MARIK_ can call me that! *rages*

Everyone except Marik, Bakura and Ishizu: *thoughtful murmuring*  
Tristan: There must be a-***BOOM***  
Joey: Good point, Tristan.  
Rex: Because I rule!  
Ryou: Um...we need a better answer than that.  
Weevil: Yeah, you don't rule, assmunch.  
Pegasus: SO any suggestions?  
Ishizu: Because shut up.  
Everyone except Marik, Bakura and Ishizu: Yeaahhhhh!

**M169 says:** _To the Pharaoh: *Grabs a Machete* I'm going for you. With no Motherfucking card games!_  
_ To Marik: If I held this machete to your neck, and forced you to choose between kissing Bakura on the lips, or his neck, what would you choose?_  
_ To Bakura: I know this is a weird question, but Can you even cut your hair? Since it's not your body and everything, I was wondering if Ryo would let you. _  
_ To Melvin: I am very serious. Very very serious._  
_ To Ryo: Answer my damn question. Are you bisexual? Answer or suffer the wrath of a fan girl with a machete! You're so cute._  
_ To Yoogi: Why is everyone calling you Yoogi? What did I miss...? _  
_ To Tea: who's your favorite ship. I know you're a fanfic writer!_

Pharaoh: At least let me summon somethi- *trips*

Marik: The-the lips!  
Bakura: No!  
Marik: The neck!  
Bakura: NO!  
Marik: WHERE ELSE THEN!?  
Bakura:...well, now that you mention it...

Melvin: I was also serious.

Ryou: *Cowers* N-no! I'm not bisexual! I don't like girls! Are you happy now?  
Melvin: Hmph.

Yoogy: Pseudonym is being a bitch.  
Me: Deal with it, I'm the author of this here fic.

Tea: In all honesty... I like, *whispers* me x Yugi rated NC-17 *stops whispering Deathshipping!  
Ryou: Wh-what? That's bloody insane, I-  
Melvin: Really.  
Tea: Hey, shippers gonna ship.

***Be sure to have a blast reading this. The fact that the same people come back to ask questions is a great thrill :D I really appreciate it, guys.**


	15. Puppyshipping is Cute, They Said

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!  
**

* * *

**Reuky Ishtar says_:_**_to 'Kura- is BDSM a part of your relationship with Marik? *looks in Bakura's room. i guess i know the answer..._

Akefia-now that you know who Marik is do you think he'd be worth stealing?

Marik- put on this leather collar, strip and wait in my room for me. if you dont ill punish you

Bakura: Well, it would be if-  
Marik:*interrupts* if there were a relationship and if I were into that kind of thing-!  
Bakura:…right.

Akefia: I'd say that's a mighty fine piece of treasure to steal. *Looks him up and down* All that gold on his arms…  
Marik: Frig off! This gold is key to my sexy appearance!

Marik: Frig no! Do what you will, that sounds too creepy for me to d-  
Bakura: Remember everyone knows your weakness of baggy clothes. I don't think this one's above trickery.  
Marik: *pales* Al…alright then. *does as he's told, wearing just his boxers*

**Dynamite and Soup claims:** _I actually need advice. Weird huh?  
I have been in an indubitably crappy mood for awhile, and I need ideas on how to cheer myself up. (This is a question for whoever feels like answering it)  
Oh and I got another question too;  
What should I be for halloween?  
One last thing: *throws manga books in the air*  
YAOI FOR ALL!_

Marik: Read yaoi!  
Bakura: Play with yourself.  
Melvin: Kill somebody!  
Ryou: Buy me some more tea! That'll surely get you out of the dumps!  
Tristan: I- ***BOOM***  
Joey: Brooklyn cheer!  
Tea: Ship things! Friendship!  
Weevil: Sexual innuendos!  
Rex: Uh-huh-huh. Sex. Lol

Me: Be whatever you want. I'm being Grell c:

Marik: *Beats, shoves and fights* IT'S MINE! *catches it all*  
Ryou: Mine too! *Flings himself at Marik*

**FullmetalCardGames says: **_Ok...this'll be fun:3  
Bakura: Can I be your girlfriend? MARIK DO NOT INTERRUPT HIS ANSWER OR I WILL CUT OFF YOUR ABS AND BURN THEM._

Seto: what is your opinion on PrideShipping? I ship it:D

Ryou: WHY YOU SO CUTE? Can I hug you?

Bakura: No. That's a horrible idea.  
Marik: Give the girl a chance.  
Bakura: NO. *sits down* Kind of bloody question is that. *mumble* *mutter*

Seto: I find it hilarious that anyone would think I'd be caught dead in any romantic situation. Ship your filthy ships.  
Joey: Nyehh, don't be so cruel. It's a fair question.  
Seto: Shut up, dog.

Ryou: Perhaps it's my Britishness.  
Melvin: That has nothing to do with it.  
Ryou; Oh..um…well, I don't know. Feel free to hug me.  
Melvin: I want people to hug me ;_;

**Xephyr-Holmes cheers:** _Hooray! I now have a video of Marik and Bakura making out.  
Bakura: I'm going to use this video to blackmail you. Just sayin'.  
Marik: Good boy, you can keep your exposed midriff.  
Yoogy: PANDA!  
Melvin: Doors? You mean like... THIS ONE! *Suddenly, door appears in front of Melvin!* Please enter pass code.  
Ryou: Deathshipping is my second favourite ship from Yugioh. Also, you pissed off Bakura, so... CREAM PUFFS FOR LIFE!  
Tea: I hate you, just gotta say that. I also hate the fact that you like Deathshipping, which I also like. The only reasonable course of action is, obviously, murdering you. How would you prefer to die?_

Bakura: Oh my bloody damned devil shit hell.  
Marik: The devil shits hell?

Marik: *ruff* :D

Yoogy: MY NAME WAS JUST NORMAL, CURSE YOU!

Melvin: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-  
Ryou: Melvin, just enter the code 999-  
Melvin: Quiet, cottonball. Let me do this.  
Ryou: C-cottonball? Why I never! *huff*

Ryou: Yay-! What's Deathshipping?  
Melvin: Best you don't know. 1110. *Access Denied*

Tea: At the hands of friendship!

**M169 says: **_To Marik: Who do you think are the three sexiest guys on the show, current time (no ancient Egypt)?  
To Bakura: I know this is a weird question, but Can you even cut your hair? Since it's not your body and everything, I was wondering if Ryo would let you.  
To The Pharaoh: YES! (Uses Machete to cut off his hair, so it looks really bad and jagged) FINALLY! I hope all you villains appreciate this.  
To Ryo: O.O *Epic fangirl face* You're just so cute! I can't believe you don't like girls. Then what about that episode where you asked Tea to sleep with you while you were stuck in the caves? Back in season one?  
To Everyone: Coke or pepsi?_

Marik: Me, me and me.  
Bakura: Besides you, numbnuts  
Marik: That's a hard one…

Bakura: I believe in this story me and Ryou have separate bodies.  
Ryou: It seems we do.  
Bakura: So yes, I would, but I don't want to.

Pharaoh: M-my-NOOOOOOO-1!

Ryou: I did? Must've been out of curiosity.

*EXPLOSION* PECOKSIPEPSICOKESIPDSDJSKJHS AADSSDKJSH *TOO MANY OPINIONS

**FanGirl16 says:** _Hey everyone, wow I love all of your advice!_

_Marik: Could you say Binky-boy?_

_Bakura: What is your favourite thing about Marik?_

_Melvin: What is your favourite weapon and who would you use it on?_

_Slenderman: Hi. Do you want $20?_

Marik: No.  
Bakura: Go on, Binky-boy.  
Melvin: Yeah, Binky-boy.  
Marik: NOOOOO-BINKYBOY  
Everyone: YEAAAAAAAH-

Bakura: Nothing. I hate him through and through.  
Marik:…well, I like your hair best. It's lots of fun.  
Bakura: -_-; Well… your muscles are nice.  
Marik: JUST _NICE_?

Melvin: The winged Dragon of Ra- and use it on the Pharaoh.

Slenderman: Do I ever!

**YGOfangirl4ever says:**_:)) Oh my gawd, you just made my day sooo much brighter! This whole fanfick was so awesome! Anyway, question time!_  
_ Ryou: Kiss Bakura. Now. And make it last. And than, you can have *holds up paper bag full of cream-pufs* THIS!_  
_ Marik: What would you do if exposing clothes became illegal, ALL AROUND THE WORLD, so then you won't be able to dress the way you like anywhere, without getting at least one year in jail?_  
_ Bakura: What would it take for me to get you to make out with Marik right now, and same question with Ryou._  
_ Seto: You've got a fetish with dogs, don't you?_  
_ Ryou(yes, again): Describe you last wet dream with Bakura in the leading role. And you'll have another TWO of those bags with cream-puffs! And a tea set!_  
_ Melvin: I love hugs! Any tipes of hugs! Will you hug me right now?_  
_ Akefia: You're smexi!_  
_ Yugi/Yoogi: How do YOU keep your hair up like that? And, what do you feel for the pharaoh?_  
_ Ishizu: How do I convince your brother to admit he's gay? Besides a haunted house..._  
_ Seto: Where would you kiss Joey? Cheek, mouth, nech, chest, or... lower... *blushes*_  
_ Ok I've got a LOT more, but I'll stick to this for now_

Ryou: I already have all the cream puffs in the world thanks to lovely Xephyr. I don't need that bag...*whispers* besides, I don't think my Yami or Melvin would be okay with that*stops whispering*...nor do I want to kiss him.

Marik: I'd be the biggest criminal ever.

Bakura: Nothing and everything.

Seto: Not real dogs, ugh.  
Tristan: So what, Joey in a dog costume?  
Kaiba: Shut up and explode.  
Tristan: Oka-*BOOM*

Ryou: Erm...I don't remember my last wet dream.  
Melvin: Liar.  
Ryou: *blushes* Well, I do, but I don't want my Yami to be in the leading role...  
Bakura: *plugs ears* I don't want to hear that.  
Melvin: Why not?  
Ryou: I-  
Melvin: Wait, I don't care. *saws him in half*

Melvin: Heh. Sure. *stabs you in the back, then tugs out the spine* Done, go heal now, or whatever.

Yoogy: The pharoah is a bitch. And my hair's like this naturally.

Ishizu: Who knows...

Joey: Do NOT answer that, Kaiba!  
Kaiba: depends on how much I'd be paid per area. I'd kiss all of those for money.  
Joey: No- Yug, help me!  
Yoogy: Who's Yug? Could've sworn my name is Yoogy now.  
Joey: *pinned to the wall by Kaiba's hand* I'm sorry I didn't tell Pseudonym tochange your name back! Now help me escape.  
Kaiba: Where's your Brookyln Rage now?  
Joey: NYEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH-!


	16. Brooklyn Desire and Cotton Balls

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!  
**

* * *

**FullmetalCardGames says: **_Ok, a few more thing.s..._  
_ Seto: *goes to seto and pushes him so he accidentally kisses yami, takes picture then hides* HAHAHA_

_ Bakura: I'm sorry that wasnt a solid answer...please answer better, you were just mumbling...:3_

_ Ryou: *hugs ryou* sooooo kawaiiiiiiiiii_

_ Melvin: j-just one hug, and not a death hug please...But if it is a death hug, I'd be the one giving YOU death.._

Kaiba: Oh no. Oh no no no.

Bakura: I said no twice.

Ryou: :D I'm indeed quite kawaii. I'm also Satan.  
Melvin: PFFFFTBWAHAHAHAHAAA. Please.  
Ryou: ...  
Melvin: lel

Melvin: Nope.

**Dynamite and Soup says**:_That was... interesting. But it definitely made me lol. _  
_ Bakura- if you had a gun and had the choice of shooting either Tea, Joey, or Tristan, who would you kill/seriously injure?_  
_ Marik-You're placed in a room with three buttons in front of you- red, yellow, and blue. One button kills the pharoah, another killa bakura, and the third let's you rule the word. You are unaware of which button does you walk away or press one? And if so, which button?_

_ While mariks brain is working overtime, I should mention that i thought of a ridiculous crack pairing. Grell Suttclife and Melvin. CHAINSAWS GALORE!_

Bakura: Tea. I hate her the most.

Marik: I-I-I-*brain shorting*

*POOF*  
Grell: What-where am I-? Where's Bassy?  
Melvin: What the fu-  
Grell: *turns around* Oh my. You look horrid.  
Melvin: And you look gay as hell.  
Grell: *huff* SO? *flips hair and grins* You do too. I mean, that boy over there's gotta be your boyfriend, the way he keeps looking.  
Ryou: I was NOT looking. Hmph.

**M169 says:** _To Ryo: So...Are you a liar Ryo?_  
_ To The Pharaoh: Now you're bald. I told you I'd get you!_  
_ To Bakura: Are you protective of Ryo? I know you're protective of Marik._  
_ To Mokuba: Your 13 in the Canon Yugioh. Are you older now? _

Ryou: D:...I'm-I'm not a liar!

Pharaoh: Why?WHYYYYYY!

Bakura: Believe it or not, yes. I don't like the way some of these perverts look at my Ryou like a piece of meat.  
Marik: That's how you look at me. And steak. That makes you a pervert!

Mokuba:I...I don't...I DON'T EVEN KNOW!

**Shadowclanwarrior says:** _Awesome :D!_

_ Quick question to Slenderman: Why do you kill people and why do you have no face?_

_ To Bakura, Akefia, Ryo, Melvin and Marik: What's worse, reading yaoi fanfics about yourself with the person you hate or being mobbed by fangirls?_

Slenderman: Just because...and because I'm more mysterious that way. :D

Bakura: Mobbed by fangirls.  
Akefia: The yaoi fanfics...but actually, the girls are worse. But sometimes the grammar and porn are just...UGH.  
Ryou: The um...I think the fangirls.  
Melvin: ^Implying you don't mind the yaoi porn. Ahem, Tendershipping. Deathshipping. etc.  
Ryou: T-Tendershipping!? WHAT?  
Marik: The fangirls are rabid! Everyone thinks fangirls are worse!

Reuky Ishtar says:_good boy Marik. I'll reward you *pets*_

_ umm... oh!_

_ Marik,Bakura,Melvin- what would you do if Ryou was kidnapped?_

Marik: Why would that even concern me.  
Bakura: I'd rescue him of course...maybe.  
Melvin: Torture his captor to death for even laying a grimy finger on him. *twitch*

**XEPHYR-HOLMES IS SO EXCITED THAT:**_THISISAMAZINGIFYOUSTOPWRITIN GTHISIKILLYOU :3_  
_ Bakura: *Waves video camera tauntingly* Hey, is that the Internet I see? I think I'll go pay it a visit with my new best friend, the video of you and Marik making out!_  
_ Ryou: 'The lovely Xephyr' I like that. That sounds like I'm actually a nice person rather than the person who- no, you don't want to know. You're too Britishly innocent._  
_ Yoogy: Does Yoogy want some bamboo? He does? Yay! *Shoves bamboo into Yoogy's mouth*_  
_ Kaiba: Hey, remember how I held your Blue-eyes ransom earlier? Remember how I gave it back? Neither do I!_  
_ Joey: PUPPYSHIPPING IS AMAZING. JUST ACCEPT THAT FANGIRLS ENJOY LOOKING AT PICTURES OF YOU AND KAIBA [Censored]ING_  
_ Tea: ... No. Just... Just no. I think perhaps I'll use... *looks around for something vaguely threatening* one of these knives. Or perhaps this scythe. Maybe the tri-bladed chainsaw? Or would you prefer the double-bladed war axe?_  
_ Melvin: I bet that inside you're just a sad, lonely little boy who just wants to be loved. Or maybe you're just a psychopathic villain who likes hugging people to death. It's the same thing, really._  
_ Ishizu: Why do you say 'because shut up' all the time? It's not a valid explanation._  
_ Slenderman: Do you want to play a video game? I heard you are an extremely elite gamer._  
_ Marik: What makes you sad more than anything else in the world?_

Bakura: Curse you, bloody internet!

Ryou: ._.

Yoogy: *chokes*

Kaiba: What do I have to do? I still have Joey pinned to the wall! I'll do whatever to him. GIVE ME THE BLUE EYES. *desperate  
Joey: LET ME GO, YOU RICH JERK!

Joey: NYEEHHHHHH-

Tea: War axes are goo-Oh shit.

Melvin: Damn straight. Somebody finally gets it.  
Ryou: I-I've tried talking to you all the time, but-  
Melvin: Your canon screen time didn't allow it.  
Ryou: ;_;

Ishizu: Because shut up is a good reason. Because shut up.

Slenderman: I'm super elite. I beat all asses. What video game do you have in mind?

Marik:...Council Number Five.

**The Guest that totally isn't Vladroxmysox says:**_Lol I'm back!_  
_ To Akefia- *dodges* tsk tsk tsk and I thought you were better *shrugs* guess I was wrong_  
_ To the Author- Aw thats okay X3_  
_ To Ryou- *stares back intently*_  
_ To Melvin- pfft you asked for it *quickly hugs him and runs away* AHAHAA TAKE THAT!_  
_ To Bakura- are you allergic to anything, just...random question...I guess O_O_  
_ To Melvin and Ryou- I like Deathshipping a lot and I would love to see some make out action between you to, of course I won't try to black mail you I feel rather giving today so you guys can choose :3_

Akefia: UNACCEPTABLLLLE!

Pseudonym: QwQ

Ryou: *Stares British Beams from eyes*

Melvin: I...HAVE BEEN...HUGGGGGGGGEDDDDD-

Bakura: I'm allergic to Marik.  
Marik: What? Really? How?  
Bakura: I..swell up. A lot. *secretly: BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA LOL INNUENDOS

Melvin: *evil grin* Well, cottonball? What's it gonna be?  
Ryou: I-I um...I can't, I'm having a staring conte-  
Melvin: Dummy. *pulls him and kisses him* open your mouth.  
Ryou: Ah-Ah-I um, Melvin,don't-  
Melvin: *slips tongue in* _There we go._ Heh heh.  
Ryou: Mmphh-

***Yeah this goes on for a bit.**


	17. Confuzzled Authors and Twister Games

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!  
**

* * *

**M169 says: **_To Ryo: Well then Ryo, if you are not a liar surely you must like girls! After you've said it numerous times...**  
**_

Pseudonym: To be completely honest, I think I do remember Ryou saying that he was just British, not gay, in YGOTAS. The Abridged series is what I'm mostly going by, so the Ryou=Gay/Bisexual is just my idea of how he is, even if he said otherwise. My memory is truly atrocious. So I'll just say he's bisexual ^^ *My apologies.

**Shadowclanwarrior claims to have run out of questions again. No prob! Hope to hear from you soon.**

**Dynamite and soup says**_: Awww, forceful deathshipping! So cute_  
_ Anyways, _  
_ Melvin: How do you prefer to cut people up with your chainsaw? (Cut them horizontally, vertically, shove it in their head first, etc)_  
_ Ryou: What exactly are your thoughts on deathshipping and Melvin? Be as specific as possible please :3_  
_ Marik: If you and Bakura were playing a game of twister, would you let him win? And Bakura: vice versa._

Melvin: Depends on the victim. Bitches, male or female, get cut slowly and vertically. Otherwise my favorite is shoving their heads first.

Ryou: Umm, let's see. *looks up Deathshipping* Oh my...  
Melvin: What. Oh, that.  
Ryou: *blushes* Ummm... I...  
Melvin: I swear, you are far worse than my Hikari. Admit you like it.  
Ryou: Let me speak for myself! What makes you think I'd like-  
Melvin: Alright, hide for the audience. See if I care.

Marik: No way! My sexiness would thrive in a body-bending game like Twister! I don't care if I have to moon somebody, I WILL win that game!  
Bakura: I'd just crawl out and watch him...bend.

**Reuky Ishtar says**_: Akefia- i dare you to sneak into Marik's room while he's asleep and supprise fuck him. while Bakura's awake in the other room._

_ Marik- when did your leather fetish start?_

_ Ryou -whats the best thing thats ever happened to you?_

_ Bakura- which do you prefer? guys girls or both?_

_ Melvin- whats the secret behind your death hugs?_

_anyone- i really need a hug right now... for reasons i will not make known... hug please?_

Akefia: Sounds like I'd hurt him. *Looks at Bakura and smirks* What'cha gonna do about it?  
Bakura:GRAAAAAHHH-

Marik: I don't have a leather fetish ;o; I do have an ice cube fetish, though.

Ryou: Mel-I mean, melodramatic...TV shows.

Bakura: I have a _gay-dar_ for a reason. To find _gay_ people. Therefore it's pretty obvious. However I'm sure during points of time I didn't care.

Melvin: It's a deadly secret.  
Grell: He's dead serious! *stars*  
Melvin: Get out.

Ryou: Aw. C'mere. *cuddles*

**Vladroxmysox says: **_To Melvin: Oh my ra...you shall be repayed with a thousand victims to torture *runs off to go find some random people*  
To Ryou: don't worry we'll get back to that later...just you know enjoy it...he'll probably be doing that for awhile...X3  
To Bakura: ahehehe I see what you did there  
To Akefia: THIS ISSSSS THE INTERNET!_

Melvin: Hurry it up!

Melvin: Oh right. *forces Ryou to kiss him again*  
Ryou: Mmmph...nnnn...

Bakura: I don't car-  
Marik: I don't get the joke. What is the joke.  
Bakura: Oh, nothing.  
Marik: You lied. You're not swollen.  
Bakura: Don't be so sure.

AKefia: THE INTERNET IS UNACCEPTABLEEEEEEEEEE-


	18. Idiocy

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!**

**Marik's sexy time column!**

**Marik ****and Bakura's**** Advice Column!**

**Marik who's too bloody stupid to use proper punctuation and**** Bakura's Advice Column!**

**Marik who's too bloody stupid to use proper punctuation and Bakura's Advice Column!**

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!**

**Dynamite and Soup says:**_Hello again! I have a question for you all:_

_My brother is playing on xbox live and I just heard him semi-yell "High-fructose corn syrup in my ass."_

_Does ANYBODY know what this means?_

_Oh and a qeustion for whoever cares to answer: If you were all mutants from x-men, what would your mutations be?_

Everyone: No idea.

Marik: Does sexiness count as a mutation?  
Bakura: No. Mine would be-  
Tristan: Mine wou-*BOOM*  
Joey: Hmm...I think I would have something like-  
Kaiba:-morphing into a dog?  
Joey: Shut up!  
Bakura: As I was saying, I'd-  
Marik: I think it should count as a mutation, right?  
Ryou: Perhaps not. I'd think that maybe my mutation would be-  
Melvin: The ability to make cotton balls from thin air, maybe?  
Bakura: If you'd stop bloody interrupting me, I could tell you-  
Ryou: * To Melvin: No. Mine might be the ability to, ah, turn into animals!  
Melvin: I'd be able to kill by looking at people. And not that lame-ass 'drop dead on the floor and just die' shit. I could cut them every time I blinked. Now _that's_ a power.  
Kaiba: I think I'd have the ability to make my ego a solid object to kill anyone who's crushed under it.  
Marik: Sexiness is what I'm best at. That'd be my power: to amp it up whenever I needed. As if it could get any sexier, that is.  
Tea: I would have the power to fix relationships.  
Duke: I'd have the power to be asked a question in this piece of shit Advice Center.  
Marik: Column.  
Ishizu: I have had enough of powers...

**Reuky Ishtar says:** _HAHA! cat fight! you know Bakura, since you'll protect Marik from 'Kefi. does that mean you love him or you just wanna have him as your sex toy yourself? answer only one of the two or ill allow Akefia to go in my room (where Marik is STILL waiting) and fuck him sensless._

Ryou-aww i see what you ment to say *puts hand on Ryous shoulder* you know kiddo, its ok to say you like him. noones oppinion matters but your own scream it out say 'I love Melvin! And i dont care if you disapprove! at least i found love!' stand up for what you believe in ok? *hugs*

Bakura: *whispers* There I said it.

Ryou: c: Awww. I love you, Melvin.  
Melvin: I don't even think I'm capable of love…but I think I can say it. For you.**  
Ryou: ^_^

**YGOfangirl4ever says:** _:)))Lool, ok I'm back for more! Let's see... God's, I really need advice... well, sorta... so, it goes like this. I love to read fanfiction. But I want to read some doujinshi's of yugioh, in english!, and I can't find them anywhere! Where do I get some doujinshi's? This one's for everyone and anone.  
Next. Again, for anyone who'll answer, I HATE french, and I hate my french teacher! She's scary, mean, and she enjoys giving small grades! And now, my mom got her to tutor me! How do I get out of this?!_

Pseudonym: I actually deal with this all the time, trying to find English doujinshis. It's even harder for me since my dad filtered out the words yaoi, anime, etc. on my computer. I'm so sorry I can't help you with one of the few real advice requests.*

Ryou: I don't think you can get out…maybe you can talk to your mom, but if she's the kind to be a little…ahem, idiotic with the whole 'sweety it's what's best for you' or 'she's not so bad' or 'stop trying to get attention', I'd suggest just gritting your teeth and doing your best!  
Melvin: Or you could just, y'know, murder her.

**Xephyr-Holmes** (**whom I love to death for giving me so much to read but also hate for giving me so much to type** [**Just kidding. I love all my reviewers])says****_:_**_ All right! *Rubs hands together menacingly* time to torture you all some more!  
Marik: *Grabs Marik and ties him in a chair, then forces him to watch footage of Evil Council five over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over*  
*And over*  
Bakura: Oh, hey, YouTube! Haven't seen you for a while! Want me to introduce you to my new friend? This is Videoofbakuraandmarikmakingo ut. I hope you two will become well acquainted! Very well acquainted! Oh, hey, didn't see you there Bakura! *Evil grin*  
Slenderman: Oh, um... Well why don't you choose a game? What's your favourite?  
Yoogy: PANDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-(This has been cut short. It actually goes on for about... *checks watch* 45 minutes. Be grateful I cut it.) Want more bamboo? Here! *Shoves in even more bamboo*  
Pharaoh: Puzzleshipping. Thoughts?  
Ishizu: Oh, that makes MUCH more sense. Thanks for clarifying.  
Tea: THE DECISION HAS BEEN MADE! *Grabs a couple of war axes and walks slowly over to Tea*  
Melvin: I understand. People think I'm crazy sometimes. *twitch*  
Ryou: You scared? Then grab Melvin's crotch. If you're not scared, then grab Melvin's crotch. If you don't want to grab Melvin's crotch, then grab Melvin's crotch. If you still don't want to grab Melvin's crotch, then I'll lock you in a room until Melvin unlocks 100 doors, all with four-digit security codes required to unlock them. And every time he puts in the wrong code, it will reset the code to a completely random one, so he has to get it right FIRST TIME. Now choose, innocent British boy!  
Joey: [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] is also what fangirls depict you and Kaiba doing. Oh wait, I forgot [CENSORED]. That's better.  
Kaiba: Le sexytimes. And then your Blue eyes shall be returned. If I feel like it.  
BWAHAHAHAHA PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM!_

Marik: *sobs* Make it stop…

Bakura: NOT THE BLOODY YOUTUBE CHANNEL- SOMEONE, GET CARDGAMESFTW. HE'LL STOP THIS!  
NotCardGamesFTWButLet'sPretend: *encourages it*

Slenderman: The one when I eat children. Oh wait XD

Yoogy: ;_; Make it stop.  
Marik: I know that feeling.

Pharaoh: Hmm, seems legit.  
Yoogy: WHAT?  
Pharoah: Not you, Yoogy, slimy wannabe. I'm sure Yugi has feelings for me. I mean, who doesn't?

Ishizu: *trollface*

Tea; It's-uh *sweats* It's not too late to be friends, right?

Melvin: Uh-huh. *spaz*

Ryou: Umm, I really don't want to be locked in a room where Melvin has to face…a door…  
Melvin: What is it he wants you to do?  
Ryou: *flushes* N-nothing. Umm, please don't take this as a hint to, y'know, it's part of the question.  
Melvin: What are you blathering ab- *Stops as Ryou slips his hands down his pants*  
Ryou: Th-there! I-I did it. N-now what?  
Melvin: Your hands are still there…

Xephyr-Holmes: Yo Joey!  
Joey; What?  
Xephyr-Holmes: [CENSORED]!  
Joey: NYEHHHHHHHHHH!

Kaiba: *twitch* Get in the room.  
Joey: No!  
Kaiba: Do it, or so help me I'll spank you with this newspaper.  
Duke: Sounds kinky.  
Joey: SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE-  
Kaiba: *Drags him off into a closet* Do as I say. Put on this costume.  
*Door Closes*

**FullmetalCardGames says****_: _**_ IM SORRY GUYS BUT HERE'S MORE QUESTIONS:D  
Bakura: pleeeeasseeeeee give me a chance, I'll get rid of this guy! *grabs marik from behind and holds knife to his neck*_

Akeifa: I STOLE YOUR COAT, WHATCHA GONNA DO.

To everyone: BUCKETS.

Bakura: Put him down or I swear I will end you.  
Marik: *Still watching Council #5* *sobs* B-Bakura… *sobs*

Akefia: *steals it back* Problem?

**Vladroxmysox says:** _To Akefia: YOUR UNACCEEEPTTTABLEEE WE ALL AREEEE and so are whales...apparently...  
To Marik: oh trust me he is swollen...somewhere...*shifty eyes* where the sun don't shine *perverted grin*  
To Melvin: *-* heres the first 500, I shall bring in the rest of my school for you to torture...especially my speech teacher, go all out on her *evil grin* *shoves in the 500 sorry people*  
To Ryou: I'm glad I could help X3 *salute*  
until next time fellow whatsits...oh dear god I don't even watch Sherlock Holmes...is that from Sherlock Holmes...*shrugs* oh well_

Akefia: REFRENCESSSSSSSS-

Marik: Okay, Baku. I need to see your ass.  
Bakura: *flushes* What? Why the devil do you need to see that?  
Marik: You're swollen, remember?  
Bakura:…You really are stupid. *hugs*  
Marik: This is totally manly.

Melvin: *goes psychotic…or more psychotic than usual* KJASASJSHAK-

Ryou: Okay. *salutes back* c;

Pseudonym: I have no idea X)

* AN: I have fun pretending to be bothered by the lack of actual advice requests. I do love your questions, and I think they're more fun than dishing out poor advice , seeing as I'm not great with advice. So ask a question! Ask for advice! Do what you see fit.

** Some people are so quick to bash Deathshipping because there was never any canon interaction between the characters, and because Melvin/Yami Marik/Mariku or whatever is too dangerous for a character like Ryou. I can understand why you'd think Deathshipping shouldn't exist because of that, but really, there are equally if not more crack-tastic ships out there. I believe there's one called Bananashipping(Or pyramidshipping) which is Tristan x Marik. Come on, don't hate so much.


	19. Internet bans mean fic requests!

Okay, okay, okay.

I have never had (almost) a hundred reviews and a story with so much attention. I want to thank all my reviewers c:

However don't hold your breath. Unfortunately I've got more family troubles and the internet's banned for who-knows how long. But I have a special surprise for you. The first person to review this chapter and get me my 100th review can PM me a request for a one-shot featuring their Yu-Gi-Oh pairing of choice. You can decide if it's smut or fluff, angst, humor, whatever you please. If smut, I'd prefer yaoi because I have no idea how to write f/m smut anymore _ But seriously, any pairing. Even if it goes against my Thiefshipping OTP. Do it. C'mon. Your ideas come to life here.

Also, the story will be posted separately. I'll PM you when it's up.

Also, if you're not the 100th reviewer, don't feel down. The next three reviewers after that also get their request fulfilled. So, let's go! And thanks for sticking with this story! (I'll update your questions and the stories during my library time)


	20. Bamboo Threats

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!**

* * *

**FullmetalCardGames says:** _Bakura: nuhhhh why don't you love your psychopathic fangirllsss...:,(_

_Pseudonym: y u no let me have prideshipping moment..._

_Melvin: I need a hug, now I'm saad...D:**  
**_

Bakura: The psychopathic thing is quit a turn-off.  
Marik: Don't be such a bitch!  
Bakura: _I'm_ the bitch!? _YOU'RE_ THE BITCH!  
Marik: *sticks tongue out*

Pseudonym: Aww. here. *Forces Kaiba and Yami to kiss* Quick, snap a picture! Put it on DA!

Melvin: C"mere. *Holds* There there. *Knifes* It's all better now. *Twists knife* Shoosh. *pulls out knife and watches you bleed*

**Vladroxmysox says:** _To Marik: oh no not his ass the other thing, I'm sure with your close proximity that you'll be able to locate it quite quickly *still smiling like a pervert*_  
_To Ryou: so did you enjoy grabbing Melvin's crotch *smirks*_  
_To Akefia: I TASTEEEE BETTERRRR WITTTHHHH EXOTIIICC SPIIIICCESSSS_

Marik: Oh, gross Bakura! That's where your allergies react?  
Bakura: You bloody idiot, it was a metaphor! I'm not allergic to you, I'm very much turned on by your stupid Egyptian ass, and your abs, and y-  
Marik: *kisses* ^_^  
Bakura:...

Ryou: *still holding it* *whimpers* it's...big...

Akefia: YUM- Wait, what? Heh heh. Are you prepared to prove that?

**Rueky Ishtar exclaims: **_Oh for Ra's sake PLEASE stop spelling my name wrong! it's Rueky not Reuky. _

_Bakura- speak up boy! Akefia! wanna fuck someone? *looks back at Bakura* last chance!_

_Ryou- aww im so proud of you! now you can speak your mind!_

_ummm... i got nothing..._

Pseudonym: *sobs*

Bakura: Love him!  
Akefia: No fucks for me :/

Ryou: *whimpers some more*  
Melvin: Make use of those damned hands, cotton ball =_=

**M169 says:** _Since I already played this with Marik, he is exempt from the questions. And Ryo, I have a separate on for you at the end._  
_We are all going to play Kiss fuck, and kill (My favorite game.) But I am going to give you each different options. Remember, you have to match up one person for each option._  
_Pharaoh: Me, Yugi, and Tea_  
_Bakura: Marik, Tea, Joey_  
_Joey: Pharaoh, Seto, Tristan_  
_Tea: Marik, Ryo, Akefia. (Not putting the Pharaoh in because I want you to suffer)_  
_Melvin: Marik, Joey, and Mai_  
_Seto: Joey, Yugi, Mai_

Pharaoh: Kiss Yugi, fuck you and kill Tea.  
Bakura: Kiss...ugh. Yugi. *gag* Fuck...Marik *blush* and kill Tea.  
Joey: Nyehh...why do I even... anyway, kiss the pharaoh, fuck Kaiba and kill Tristan.  
Tea: *points gun to head and shoots*  
Melvin: Kiss Marik, fuck Mai and kill Joey. Meh.  
Seto: Kiss Mai, fuck Joey because...erm...well, it'd cost him money anyway. And kill Yugi.

Ryou: Aww. *cuddles*

**Rainbow-claw says: **_to shada: *shoves him so he lands on top of the pharaoh with their faces 2 centimeters apart*_  
_to mahaad: *holds the millenium ring just out of his reach* I've GOT YOUR MAGICAL GAYDAR NECKLACE AND YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BACK UNLESS YOU KISS MANA!_  
_to auknadin: HI! *chops off a section of his hair and drops it on yugi*_  
_to karim and isis: KISS! KISS! KISS!_  
_to seto: are you aware of all the gay rumors about you and various men? if so which ones are true if any. also, *dyes his hair hot pink and makes it stick out in all directions* HA HA HA! YOU HAVE PINK HAIR!_  
_everyone: I HAVE COOKIES OF ALL YOUR FAVORITE FLAVORS! *throws cookies at the pharaoh* but to get them you have to kiss the pharaoh! have fun!_

Shada: D:

Mahaad: If you insist.

Auknadin: *feels head* RA WHY-

Karim and isis: NO! NO! NO!

Seto: Just for dying my hair pink you get no answers! *huffs*

Pharaoh: C'mon. Come and get em.  
EVeryone else: Erm...  
Yoogy: Fuck it! I want em!  
*Makeout session*

**YGOFangirl4ever says:** _Ok, so back for more advice! Next tuesday I've got afterscool-french!And for some reason, everyone decided to just pile up load of stuff on tuesday! I had to give up the ideea of cheerleading, the school choir, well, This time, there's something else. There's gonna be a japanese conference, where they're gonna present all tipes of study-offers, in japanese with translation, and then wieweing two movies in jap. with subs. And I really wanna go, since first of all it's a good chance to see just how much my japanese lessons have been paying off, and me and my group are all invited! Then, there're study offers! And I really wanna go to college in some other country! Problem: FRENCH! How do I get my mom to let me out of it?!*pulls hair exhasperately*_  
_Pseudonym: Really? Ow, that's nasty... Gods', well, maybe I can send you a link or something when I find some, that way you don't have to actually use the words fltered out. But Ra, why would he do something like that! Seriosuly I TOLD my mom. Well, maybe not the exact extent, but I was like, 'BTW, mom, I read gay love...' and she was like, 'Oh, but that's normal(at your age)'. I was like O_o_  
_:))_  
_OK, torture time!_  
_Yoogi, AKA Yugi, do you love the pharaoh?! *holds up piles of bambus in warning*_  
_Pharaoh: How the hel can you NOT realise that Yoogi IS Yugi?!_  
_Ryou, Bakura, Marik, How about a threesome? *holds casetes of marik's evil council 5 and all of marik's revealing clothes, as well as some footage of Bakura crying that I edited JUST to use it as blackmail in situations like this*_  
_*Laugs manyically* Mwahahahahahaha *cough-cough*_

Pseudonym: Try and tell your mom that you're much more passionate about your Japanese adventures than French. Try and have her re-schedule, and promise you'll do the best you can. Really convince your mom how important it is you see those movies. hah, I wish my mom was so leniant. She'd probably say it's some 'influence'.

Yoogy: Maybe. Is that enough!? *hides*

Pharoah: Because it's SNOT HIM!

R,B & M: *flee in different directions*

**Forgive the shortness! Updates will be choppy but I will NOT skip anyone's reviews! **


	21. Long

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!**

* * *

**Xephyr-Holmes shrieks: **_AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHA_  
_Well then, I HAVE RETURNED. _  
_And I love you too Pseudonym, for writing all this, but don't even PRETEND to hate me, especially not on my birthday! Yeah, It's my birthday. E-hug?_  
_Marik: NEVER SHALL IT STOP! *Puts the video on endless repeat*_  
_Ryou: Now, you kiss him. Keep your hands there. Or, there's always the locked room. Also, I forgot to mention that the many many doors Melvin has to unlock are leading to that room and are the only way out, so if he gets bored... They all re-lock, and you're stuck longer. Just thought you might want to know HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!_  
_Joey: Did you enjoy your... little... 'session' with Kaiba, Joey? Because_  
_Kaiba: Fine, here's your blue-eyes back._  
_Slenderman: Let's play Slender, I think it's perfect!_  
_Tea: MUCH TOO LATE! B**CH! Unless you want to be tortured a little... Oops too slow *cuts Tea slowly*_  
_Melvin: ... *Randomly pets Melvin's hair* ... *Absconds*_  
_Duke: Hey, have you had any naked women applied to your body recently? You look a little under the weather... Here, have some babes. *Chucks babes at Duke*_  
_Yugi: Whoa, Yugi, did you know there's some weird panda who is trying to pretend he's you? Oh yeah, Yoogy, STOP DOING THAT DAMMIT! YOU ARE NOT A HUMAN!_  
_Akefia: I think you should fuck Marik right now. He's sexy, no? And he's still tied up. And sad, so it won't be difficult to convince him you're 'cheering him up' *winkwink*_  
_Bakura: WHAT YOU GONNA DO FOOL? About the video AND the fact I think Akefia should have/fuck Marik, not you._  
_Everyone: ADVICE FOR ONCE! If I'm being stalked by some creepy as fuck chick who thinks that I love her and doesn't believe me when I tell her I don't WHAT DO I DO?!1?one?!_  
_Love to all of you. Except Tea. :D_

Pseudonym: E-hug c:

Marik: *passes out*

Ryou: *leans up and kisses him, hands shaking* There. I did it.

Joey: Because...?

Kaiba: *snatches it and flees*

Slender: *sees Slenderman in the game* Who's this dickhead imposter!?

Tea: *screams and flails* SAVE ME YUGI!  
Yoogy: Fuck you.

Melvin: FFFUUUU-

Duke: I would shout out in joy but boobs are five seconds away from pressing on my lips.

Yoogy; *breaks down in rage*

Akefia: Sure, why not.  
Marik: Get away from me! You may be a much more toned, tanned Bakura but you're...oh. My. How did you get that big?  
Akefia: It's called being a badass. *peeks in Marik's pants* You're not too bad yourself. Now let's get this over with.

Bakura: I don't care.

Tea: :c

Pseudonym: Well now, I'm not sure what to say, seeing that at some point I was also some creepy stalker who couldn't accept that the person didn't like me. I'd say dress it up for her, be nice, but in my experience, being told nicely doesn't work. So you don't have to be a bitch about it, but if they're constantly pursuing you rejection after rejection, be vicious. Otherwise be as patient as you can.

**GlitterpPnkKitty says: **_Hey! I've been reading this advice colum for a while now, and I just want to say that you are awesome, all of you! _  
_This comment is just to give you all a great big hug and HELLO! I'll ask questions next time._  
_._  
_._  
_._  
_._  
_._  
_._  
_._  
_._  
_._  
_Oh and by the way (gets surrounded by a dark aura) I'm a giant yaoi fangirl, so be prepared. Just thought you should know._  
_Bye, Bye!_

Pseudonym: And I'm a huge yaoi fan as well. *grins*

**EvilBrat is epic says:** _These are some random things thet popped ino my head._  
_Bakura: What is the best way to kill anoyying teacher? My friend has a large chruch on you._  
_Pharaoh: what is the most funny thing you have ever seen. And would you kill Jaden Yuki for me?_  
_Marik: Do you hate gummy bears?_

_My last question is for evryone: How many times has Mokuba been kidnaped?_

Bakura: Kill her with fire. That way she suffers to the end. Also...tell your friend to sod off!

Pharaoh: The time someone thought Mai's boobs were real. HA HA HA. Ah ha. And no. I'd rather watch him get killed by a large vehicle.

Marik: *glares*

**EvilBrat is epic also says in a later chapter: **_I have cream puffs and Ryo is not alowed to have one. _  
_To Bakura:YOU ARE A KITTY!_

Ryou: Xephyr already gave me all the cream puffs I need, bitches!

Bakura: Meow.  
Marik: *Fanboy attack*

**Lawliet Veneziano says (oh god those names :D):** _Nihon: Finally after trying to finish this and being sidetracked by so many other fanfictions (namely anything else involving insanity and a certain thief and his tanned "friend") I have found my way to the end. And with questions from both myself and the second half of my personality. Who luckily isn't-_  
_Vene: WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *swings in on a vine Tarzan-style, lands and bows* Thank you thank you, you're too kind!_  
_Nihon: Of course...Sorry, the author Lawliet Veneziano here, with questions for the cast. Nihon the side of Reason speaking. The *fixes glasses* other person with the squiggy lines is Vene the so-called fun side. Ignore her, it's nighttime where we are and Vene is an incurable night owl. Let's see first question is for Bakura: how do you honestly handle being around so many abnorml personalities and not go crazy?_  
_Vene: She means- How do you keep from going crazy and killing everyone when your best friend (and possible lover, huh, huh? *shot but comes back*) is silly and clueless, the rest of the Evil Council is either dead or not-really-so-evil, and your school friends, well Ryou-chan's friends, are well...*looks at Joey the furry, Tea the Avatar of Friendship, Yugi the panda, and Tristian the idiot) OH look a panda!_  
_Nihon:...I wish to know._  
_Vene: Oh! Oh speaking of friends here's a request for some advice from Melvin and Bakura both! See my friend Jessie-cub won't me get a toy chainsaw for my Grell costume nor will she let me get any knives at all. She says I'm too dangerous on my own. What should I do? I can't kill her since she feeds me food but I wanna know if you guys have any qideas. If none then can i borrow one of your guys' weapons? Please? Oh and can I have a hug Melvin? i don't mind if it's bloody and violent; it's not like I'll die? I'll even return it if you want w_  
_Nihon*sprays Vene down* Bad sadist, bad, down. Next question. Yugi, do you ever feel unappreciated considering you've been renamed Yoogy and the Pharoah's sort of a jerk to you?_  
_Vene: poor Panda. Wanna a panda hug? I give non-violent panda hugs as well as violent sadist hugs w Oh for Ryou: I don't have a question, I'm just gonna give you all the tasty cream puffs ever created, mostly because it's not nice to have you have to do stuff to get your treat. You're so sweet and cute, I couldn't dream of taking advantage of you The part of my otaku soul that loves the seemingly innocent pretty boys can't resist._  
_Nihon*ignores Vene* Slenderman, would you eat my other half? She does look and act like a little kid; it's the Japanese genes, they make her so small. Though not as small as Yugi._  
_Vene: Try it and I'll cut your stomach open with a katana. *all while smiling*_  
_Nihon: Well I think that's all. Hm this review might not look so good. Oh well, until next time Nihon of Reason-_  
_Vene: And Vene of Fun!_  
_Both: Signing off!_

Bakura: With tea. It solves almost everything when it's not being poured onto your sobbing mother. *sees vene's explenation* OH- That. Same thing. And maybe some fantasies of my own.

Melvin: Consider me giving you my weapon a sign of respect for wanting to murder that bitch. Just kidding, I don't respect you XD here. *Hands chainsaw* Go apeshit.

Yoogy: NO. REALLY? I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT. DID IT EVER OCCUR TO ANYONE I LIKE IT? OF COURSE I DO. _NO, I HATE IT!  
_Pseudonym: Alright, alright. Back to being Yugi. Damn.  
Yugi: Thank god.

Ryou; *blushes* My hands are busy. Can you feed it to me?

Slenderman: I'm sure the sweetness would make me vomit. Keep her *blank trollface*

**Little sister Amy says:** _Ryou... are you secretly in love with bakura... _  
_if it's yes have sex with him and see what happens_  
_if it's not have sex with him and see what happens _

_Bakura... why do you lick (in the uncensored Yu-Gi-Oh) that eyeball?_  
_and does it taste like chicken? _  
_and why did they censor it? _

_marik... this is not really a question but... stop talking when somebody els is talking _  
_bisides you must go and brush you teeth becouse it's time for bed young men _  
_and No you may not go *starts to sing* OUT THERE _

_melvin... why are you there? i thought that you where opening that door in season three_

Ryou: Of course I am. I love the way he's so much braver, and I also find his attitude annoying but quite handsome. However I don't wanna sleep with him. *glances at Melvin* he kinda does that already.

Bakura: Because I wanted to hear the slick sound of millions of fangirl panties simultaniously going wet at that moment. They censored it because dubbers can't deal with my sexiness.

Marik: *sings it anyway*

**EvilBrat is epic says:** _Akefia: My friend likes you lots... She is also crazey._

Akefia: In what world is that a question.

**SangNoire says: **_Oh gods this is so great... *chuckles* Okay... I gonna try this out as well!_

_To Marik: Would you approve of Bakura dressing up as a vampire for halloween and trying to suck ur blood? :D_  
_To Bakura: Would you like to see Marik dress up as a werwolf? (seeing he wouldn't wear a shirt... w)_  
_To Melvin: Actually I think you're the biggest massmurderer of all time... concerning that a thousand Deathshipping fangirls died of bloodloss as you were kissing Ryou ... would you do it again if I requested it? And would you mind being hugged by me? :3_  
_To Akefia: If I'd ask you to steal Marik from Bakura, would you try? XD_  
_To Duke: Hey, do you like ducks? :D_  
_To Kaiba and Joey: Is it sick that this fanfiction made me enjoy puppyshipping? ._.''_  
_To all of you: I want to bring out a "Kill-Tea"-Project seeing so many people hate her and she still... miraculously lives on. Would you take part in it?_

_I know it was MUCH but I hope you have the time to reply w_  
_*leaves you all cookies and makes Bakura wear a kitty-ear beanie* *poofs with evil chuckle... after hugging Pseudonym (YOU'RE GREAAAAATE!)*_

_*draws Slenderman a trollface*_

Marik: Sure why not. But that'd be a little g-  
Bakura: Don't even say it.

Bakura: I...erm, if he wants t-to, I'd suppose it'd be fine. Why the devil do you care anyway!? *huff*

Melvin: *opens arms* Do your worst. Also, that's fine, seeing as i have a gigantic boner since Ryou's hands haven't moved.

Akefia: *stops shagging Marik* What?  
Marik: Hurry up. I want to go see Baku soon.  
Akefia: *Spanks him* Shut up.

Duke: I...How did you know? They're so feathery.

Kaiba and Joey: YES.

**Xephyr-Holmes**: I've got it covered.

Pseudonym: Why...thank you... *single tear of joy*

**FullmetalCardGames says:** _Pseudonym: THANK YOUU. Also since ur a homestuck, is it possible to ask characters from that? Or would that make to many characters to answer as?_

_Melvin: -magically heals- haha. I'm a homunculus:D. (that was a Fullmetal Alchemist joke:3)_

_Bakura: YOU. SUCK. Maybe I should to your million times hotter past self then. He's got a sexy scar._

Pseudonym: My understanding of Homestuck is very vague, despite being caught up, and I wouldn't be able to provide answers as easily as I could for YGOTAS column. Also I'm very narrow-minded with HS ships, and it wouldn't be as enjoyable of a fic as it could be for those who are much more, say, open-minded with situations that would go on if it were asked to happen. But I'll take it into consideration.

Melvin: Look at all the fucks I give.

Bakura: *sticks tongue out*

**Vladroxmysox says: **_To Bakura: your welcome *smirks*_  
_To Ryou: having some arousal issues?_  
_To Melvin: you should "take care of" Ryou if you know what I mean_  
_To Akefia: hmmmm I suppose...but only if you catch me! *starts running with vampire speed* A CHASE ALWAYS MAKE THEM TASTE BETTER MUAHAHAHAHA [sorry I like vampires, not edward by the way so that why I have vampire speed]_

Bakura: *nods*

Ryou: Maybe.

Melvin: I'm totally not catching on as I drag Ryou to this closet. *Drags Ryou into a conveniently placed closet*

Akefia: *Gets off of Marik, dresses and chases you* Wait, no. *takes his time* There we go.

**Rueky Ishtar says**: _im sorry i didnt want you to feel bad! dont be mad at me PLEASE!_

_Bakura- Yes! *jumps and twists in midair* now ill leave you two alone for sexual reasons_

_Ryou-cotton ball, thats a cute nickname but just so i dont upset melvin ill call you... Bunny._

_Akefia-... umm... i kinda feel bad for you cause i citronship WAAAAY more than i do thiefship... hmm well there's always Namu, Marik's past life so i guess that counts._

_Akefia,Ryou,Bakura,Melvin,Namu,&Marik- ok... now its time to make the bed all sweaty and wet with cum._

Pseudonym: That's totally fine ^^ it was an embarrassing mistake anyway XD

Bakura: Refresh my memory on who I'm with. (Psdnm: No seriously I can't remember)

Ryou: *Can't hear from the closet and his own cries of pleasure*

Akefia: Just as well.

A,R,B,M,N,MR: WEEEE-

_Fullmetalcardgames! i know you and you know me in real life so stop trying to date the guys im dating you friggen playgirl! your not suppose to date yourself!_

Pseudonym: I won't pick a side, but I figured FMCG would come across this message sooner if I posted it.

**Dynamite and Soup says:** _Going into Day 3 of no school due to Sandy._  
_Tell me what to do for fun because I've already played pokemon until my thumbs hurt._  
_On another note:_  
_Bakura- What breed of cat are you? Also, how many Mariks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?_  
_Marik- Can you go screw in this lightbulb? Its an experiment I want to try._  
_Akefia- I like your scar. Will we ever know how you got it?_  
_Kaiba- If the blue eyes white dragon never existed, what do you think your favorite card would be?_  
_Melvin- This is for you because I feel you would give me an interesting answer: Lady Gaga's new perfume is supposed to smell like sweat and cum. Why would someone want to smell like that? Enlighten me._  
_Ryou- Would you ever wear the perfume mentioned above?_  
_Well, that's it for now. I'll be back... :3_

Pseudonym: Wish i had pokemon games to make my thumbs ache ;_;

Bakura: Not a kitty. And how the devil would i know?

Marik: Okay.

Akefia: Nope.

Kaiba: JKDFHKLDGJHFDLSDFHK-

Melvin: A-And I thought I w-was sick XD. Perhaps to attract some rapists. I know I'd rape someone who smells like that.  
Balura: Why is he stuttering.  
Ryou: Ahhh! Mmm!  
Marik: That's why.  
Bakura: Ugh.

Ryou: I-I du-ahhh...I dunno...

**YGOfangirl4ever says: **_Oh No you don't! *runs after them and brings them back one by one, tying them to a chair each*_  
_Now. Let's see, where was I, Oh yes. *moves Marik in front of the TV and puts cassete in**makes big fire**plays the cassete of Marik's Evil Council 5* (Thank you, reviewer who did that before me!) *ties all revealing clothes over the fire about to let them burn if the boys don't bend to my will*_  
_*turns to Bakura* Now, about you... *holds up cd* This, is an edited video of *you*, crying... *whspers in his ear* Cuz' Marik doesn't like you._  
_It will be played in public if you don't do it. And more importantly, in front of Marik..._

_Pseudonym: Hey, you used my threat for the chapter heading! *tears up* *kisses you*_  
_Pharaoh: Yes, he IS. Pseudonym just changed his name. But I never lost track of the boy. Never!_  
_:D Ok. _  
_Now, Seto, if you would have to f*ck with anyone in the show, who would it be? And you can NOT chose no-one, or cower out of it. Or else, you'll end up like those three who cowered out of it last chapter. Trust me, I have things against you, too._  
_Ok, now make out with him XD_  
_Do you want your company and reputation ruined?_  
_That's what I thaught! Now do it! Kiss him!_  
_Melvin: I'm cold! It's so cold here...*sniffs* Would you hug me to keep me warm?_  
_I'd torture you all more, but I've to go. Bye! XD_

Pseudonym: hurr-

Pharaoh: Which boy. Pseudo or Yugi?  
Yugi: Me.  
Pharaoh: Oh, it's you.

Kaiba: Joey. He'd be the most arousing to boss around. *groans* Fine. *kisses Joey*

Melvin: *Walks out of the closet* Yeah...sure. I'm warm as hell now.

**M169 says: **_Pharaoh: Really? You'd fuck me? Do you even know what I look like? Well, I guess you're a Man of Surprises. A bald man of surprises...I thought you would Kill me. Anyway...it's time for more revenge. *Takes out a bat* I'm going to whack you in the face!_  
_Marik: So. Marik. How was your day? Can I join your evil Council. I have many, many plans that involve card games._  
_Bakura: What is your deepest secret? _  
_Ryo: You. Are. The. Best. Ever! I love you so much! As a fangirl I mean. *Glomps again*_

Pharaoh: *NOOOO-

Marik: No! Only the evilest and sexiest can join!

Bakura: Not telling!

Ryou: *blushes*


	22. This chapter should be longer

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!**

* * *

**Rueky Ishtar said:** _phew ok, sorry im a total Fluttershy.._  
_Bakura-hehe on... your ON Marik hehehe..._  
_Ryou-*gets nosebleeed while watching*_  
_Melvin-same_  
_Akefia- so... citron fans shall live on! AHHAHAHAHAAA Aha!-*coughs* sory.. *clears thoat so what would your favorite plotline for a citronshipping be?_  
_Marik-Ra you are so sexy, would you believe me if i told you i saw a sign that said. 'Phycologist, Marik H.' Im not lying dude it literally said that!_

Bakura: *smirks*

Ryou: *bites his lip from embarrassment*

Melvin: *nod*

Akefia: I have...no idea...

Marik: I'd believe you... but I wouldn't believe you if you said he was nearly as sexy as I!

**PandaTeddyClaws says that:** _okay wow , I just spent the last hour reading these. I do believe I'm hooked, just a few things_

_Marik Do you think things would be easier if you were bisexual?_  
_Bakura: Boxers or briefs? (I need to know for a drawing I'm working on)_  
_Melvin: Same question as Bakura (for a totally unrelated drawing)_  
_Tea:(Intercepts Xephyr-Holmes shrieks's attack with death-scythe) Sorry sister, but no one fucks with my favourite character while I'm around! (Hugs Tea) You're awesome -_  
_Ryou: You're also awesome, just saying_  
_Joey:Puppyshipping or Wishshipping ?_  
_Kaiba: If you had to choose between your ego , blue eyes ,company and Mokuba; which is most important?_  
_Pegasus: Why did you make a card that combined three blue eyes white dragons when there were originally four?_

Marik: What do you mean by that!? Did you imply that I was gay and it'd be easier if I were bisexual for women? Well, I'll have you know I'm as straight as an arrow and it would no-  
Bakura: You're lying here on top of me, inspecting my pants. Marik, you're gay.  
Marik: Shut up kitty, I was talking about my straightness.

Bakura: I...don't...want to say.  
Marik: That means briefs! You wear tighty-whities! LOL

Melvin: What makes you think I wear underwear to begin with?

Tea: Joy! Thank you so much!

Ryou: *squee*

Joey: How about NO-SHIPPING!

Kaiba: *contemplates*

Pegasus: Because four is not as fabulous as three!

_Nihon: We're back...and dressed as Grell the butler since Vene likes the red wig too much. Happy Halloween (though by the time this gets answered it will be not halloween anymore). Vene*covered in the blood of many, carrying the chainsaw Melvin gave her before, throws candy on everyone* Happy All Hallows Eve! We brought candy and questions of course. X3_  
_Nihon: Hm I'm not too sure how tea will help me with my problem but since we're Japanese maybe..._  
_Vene: i think she wanted to know how to tame me. oh well. Oh thank you for the weapon Melvin! It was really helpful and fun. Now I have a weapon, I'm so happy I still want a hug though...oh well. Melvin, why do you give hugs anyway?_  
_Nihon*pats Yugi's head* Good to see that Pseudonym decided to return your real name to you. Hopefully now the Pharoah will actually figure out that you really are Yugi and not Yoogy. How do you put up with him sometimes anyway? Considering how mean he can be in the Abridged series to you I mean._  
_Vene*smiles* Aw Ryou's blushing! How adorable. I'd be glad to feed you if you really want me to. As long as _  
_Nihon: By the way Ryou, how do you feel about the fact that Yugi and the others seem to, well, forget who you are or disregard you as a friend in the first season of the abridged at least?_  
_Vene: Be nice Nihon. *looks at Slenderman* Silly Slender, you couldn't eat me anyway. But here, because I'm feeling nice I'll give you this *gives Slender a tasty child to eat* Oh a question for Akefia-sama: since you're the Thief King and seem to have abilities of your own, does make you better than the phantom thieves that are found in some manga stories? Personally I think so but I'm biased as a recent fan of all three Bakuras (before I only likes Yami and Ryou but now i like Akefia too)._  
_Nihon: Seems to be all for now so once more Happy Halloween/All Hallows Eve and this would be us signing off!_

Pseudonym: It is unforgivably past Halloween ;_;

Bakura: Just do it.

Melvin: Yeahhhh. I give hugs because I'm a psychotic murderer...why else?

Yugi: :D

Ryou: They're all wankers anyway. So, I felt bad, but I can always move on.  
Melvin: You cried about it so many times...  
Ryou: *flush* Yeahh...

Slender: Yum.

Akefia: I'm better because I have a sexy scar and my spirit has a British host.

**M169 says:** _Bakura, can you at least make your deepest secret vague. For those of...lesser intelligence around you._  
_Ryo: Awwww you blushed..._  
_Marik: But I am evil. And sexy! _  
_Kiaba: So...are you evil...or...just an antihero...or what?_

Bakura: I like hard brown things.  
Marik: You like POOP!?  
Bakura: N-NO! THAT CAME OUT WRONG! POOP ISN'T EVEN HARD!  
Marik: SOMETIMES-

Ryou: *melts*

Marik: *Fistbump* Yeahh! Still can't come. You're a smelly girl!

Kaiba: It will cost money for that answer.


	23. Only The Dead (Not an AN!)

**Marik and Bakura's Advice Column!**

* * *

**YGOfangirl4ever says:** _*__tickles Ryou for minutes on end while looks at Bakura sweating up at the thaught of the footage with him*_  
_*Stops tickling Ryou and goes to stop the video of marik's evil council 5 and lets Marik finally blink* *stands in front of them* Ok, NOW what do you all say about that threesome? Oh, actually, make it a foursome. This last chapter got me into Akefia-lemon mood *insane grin* :D_  
_Oh, Marik, I still have all your clothes..._

Akefia: *eyes Marik*  
Bakura:I swear to Ra-  
Ryou: *shakes* Don't make me do this...  
Marik: *weeps quietly*  
Akefia: Okay, you bunch of pussies. Come on!

**Xephyr-Holmes says: **

_Heh... heh heh heh... ha ha... HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!_  
_*Ahem* Sorry, I was just... EXCITED._  
_Anyway..._  
_Pseudonym: :D_  
_Akefia: *turns on video camera*_  
_Yoogy: Bad! Now you get more bamboo! *Roughly smashes bamboo against Yoogy's face, rubbing furiously*_  
_Ryou: *Runs back, shoving Ryou's face into Melvin's again* *Re-absconds*_  
_Joey: Oops, sorry, I got distracted by this Puppyshipping fanfic I was reading and forgot to finish my sentence... and I meant to say: Because I filmed that, too._  
_Kaiba: Oh yeah, Kaiba, the Puppyshipping film costs 100,000,000 New Zealand dollars. If you don't want it, then I guess I'll sell it to all of your enemies for $1 each, so they have some blackmail opportunities. :D_  
_Slenderman: That's what people do when they're bored and want to scare small children._  
_Tea: *STEREOTYPICAL EVIL LAUGH, COMPLETE WITH OBLIGATORY COUGHING* LIKE ME NOW, B***H? HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR PUNY HUMAN CONCEPT OF 'FRIENDSHIP'!_  
_Pegasus: *Obligatory Death Note reference* Who could be killing all of your employees so mysteriously? What do you think, L?_  
_Duke: You're welcome. I have many babes locked in my dungeon of maniacal evil, if you want more._  
_Bakura: *Shrugs* I taped over the video with the Puppyshipping one. _  
_Melvin: You should go listen to the song 'A Gorey Demise' it gave me some great ideas. :D_  
_Everyone: Hey, guys, I just want to say, you're all my favourite characters. I have no inclination particually toward anyone._  
_Nah, I'm just kidding, I'm not a MOTHER or anything stupid like that._  
_Bakura's my favourite character. YOU SHOULD BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL, FLUFFY! I BESTOW MY FAVOURITISM UPON YOU!_  
_And Tea is my least favourite, although it's a close contest with Mai._  
_*COUGH*sluts*COUGH*_

Akefia: U_U

Yoogy: D:  
Yugi: Hahaha!

Ryou: Mmmph~!  
Melvin: *Grabs and runs*

Joey: NYEEHHHHHHH-

Kaiba: *snarls* Fine! See if I give a flying fuck! *secretly gives many, meany desperate fucks*

Slenderman: I suppose.

Tea: NYAAAUGH *flees*

L: I think it was Kira!

Duke: *cue sexy back music* I don't even want to know how you captured so many hotties.

Bakura: ^_^

Melvin: Hmmm...I shall. Only because you seem to be the one I want to kill the least.

Bakura: Suck my Limey/Egyptian dick, losers!  
Marik: u_u* Hmph.

Tea: I didn't like you, either!

**EvilBratAce says:** _Hi my friend Ace wants to know where you can get a rocket lancher from?_  
_Melvin: do you want to help us kill some people? Like 200 people and throw them in a pool and set them on fire? You can give them hugs to._

Pseudonym: Uh...no idea. I never learned how to make one. Never seen one. Ahem.

Melvin: Sure, but I want to be the one to throw the flaming match in a pool of gasoline.

**It'sHoAsHell says:** _Oh how much delicious fun!_  
_Melwin - I want you to take Ryo with you into a cold room and do what you do when you are in love and if you don't I'll place a door between you and a naked Ryo... actually it isn't much of a threat but... win win for you!_  
_Oh! And Ryo your ass is gonna hurt so you are welcome to resist as much as you can as Melwin draggs you way._  
_Marik - you now kissed Bakura how does it feel in your lower parts?_  
_Bakura - Marik just kissed you and you told him you love him... what is stopping you from taking him and make you all his ;)_  
_Joey - admit you liked what Kaiba was doing to you_  
_Kaiba - admit that you liked doing that to Joey_

_*leans back* Ah! these are my favourite pairings 3 _  
_Oh! I should also ask for an advice how should I show my girlfriend I love her? Question for all but it would be great if my favourit pairings answered together_

Melvin: Goody! But why is my name Melwin.  
Pseudonym: Melwin is best Melvin.  
Melvin: *murders with brute force*  
Ryou:...! Melvin, take that back, or you can't lick chocolate off my trembling body!  
Melvin: Ugh...fine.  
*Melvin used Revive!*  
*Pseudonym's health was restored*  
*You used your last Revive*  
Melvin: DID I JUST MAKE A-  
*explode*

Marik: It feels like how it feels when you kiss anyone! Humph!

Bakura: He's...bloody strong...

Joey: I mean OBVIOUSLY my body liked it but I was totally not wearing a costume and I was definitely thinking of girls!

Kaiba: *Jumps out of the building in a fake suicide*

Marik: Hmmm... give her a gift of sentimental value. Sometimes shiny expensive things are nice, but she'd be surprised if you looked deeper and gave her something she can recognize with her soul.  
Bakura: Since when were you so insightful?  
Marik: Never! I read it with this weird tablet of yours!  
Bakura: *blushes* GIVE THAT BACK!  
Marik: WHO WERE YOU GETTING A GIFT FOR!?

**SangNoire says:** _To Marik: No please say it : I'm sure everybody would want to hear... uhm... read._  
_To Bakura: Oh... No reason, Bakura... really. *hides camera behind back* No reason. _  
_To Melvin: Wait... You would like to be hugged by me while having a bo- ... agh screw it. *practically glomps him and tugs Ryou in* This is so perverted... '_  
_... ... ... I like it! :D_  
_To Akefia: See... I kinda... need him to try out something. *tries to hide camera and giving nicest puppy eyes* Awww... please... I give you a reward... kay?_  
_To Duke: Ikr... they're so cute and fluffy... ouo ... wait... since when do you like fluffy stuff anywhere else than on handcuffs? Oo_  
_To Kaiba and Joey: Too bad... :D I'm addicted now... I want to see more of it!_  
_To Xephyr-Holmes: Count me in if you need me then._  
_To Pseudonym: *pats* There, there. No reason to cry :3_

_Totally gonna stick to this... never stopping... now I that I smelled blood... I'll go on with that. Just too epic, guys... just toooooo friggin epic. :3_

Marik: I forgot!

Bakura: Hmmm.

Melvin: Perversion is great for everybody!

Akefia: I don't want a reward when I can take anything I want!

Duke: *sings a tune, specifically his theme*

Kaiba and Joey: jksjkasuia-!

IAMNOTXEPHYRSOICAN'TREALLYANSWERTHISQUESTION

Pseudonym: I'm pretty sure whatever I was crying about is all better now :3 And thanks!

**Little sister Amy:** _sooooooo... _  
_you know ryou... did you ever been as sexual as now with marik?_  
_and marik if you do wan't to do something that is... kind of weird and also hard to do, than... try to drink when you are upsidedown in the classroom without a pants..._  
_and bakura lets play Kiss Fuck and Kill with ... ummmm... Ryou, Marik and Melvin_  
_but really yugi try to control your self when there is some bamboo around seriously you look like a fangirl, or tea one or the other _  
_and slender almost every boy of my class is scared of you... and is it weird that i can run trough you in the game slender on the mobile?_  
_XXX little sister Amy_  
_(those xxx are for everyone i mention along this story accept tea_

Ryou: Marik...? I don't think so.

Marik: What's a classroom?  
Bakura: Please, no...

Bakura: Huh...kiss Ryou, fuck marik and kill Melvin.  
Melvin: Fuck you too!  
bakura: *Grins snidely* When and where?

Slender: Ha ha on those young males. They probably urinated in their underclothes in putrid fear.

Tea: ;_;

**M169 says:** _To Marik: I shower twice a day, I'm sure I'm not that smelly... Besides Girls like me can dig deep into the minds of others._  
_To The Pharaoh: There's something wrong with you._  
_To Tea: I want to ask- wait...didn't you shoot yourself?_

Bakura: Well then...fine! Whatever! Welcome aboard.  
Marik: But this is _our_ council!

Pharaoh: Almost as bad as what's wrong with your FACE!

Tea: Maybe friendship brought me back!  
Yugi: No, that satanic spell di-  
Tea: ONLY THE DEAD KNOW PEACE!

**TWO MONTHS I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE! UPDATES WILL BE SPAT OUT ASAP!**


	24. Don't get excited, but

So um...I noticed that reviews for INOTBBS and MABAC are still coming. Slowly, but there.

I feel pretty shitty about it, seeing as I planned on never updating again. You see, it turns out I'm not much of a writer. Every project I write starts off fast and enthusiastic, then slowly peters out into nothing, as you saw with these stories.

I suppose I can write again, but I'm more of a 'visuals' person; I write comics, not books. However, you can't learn if you don't try. I will update more, but don't hold your breath. Summer's arriving, and my internet ban will be lifting soon. I appreciate every new reader and the loyal followers who silently checked up every once and a while. I won't let you down.

So sorry for this wreck of a hiatus. You'll hopefully hear from me soon.


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